It shouldn't be this goddamn hard to comprehend your own feelings. I can't tell whether I'm angry or disappointed? Sad or exhausted? Euphoric, at the end of it.
Everything's so complex, I feel fucking perplexed.
I feel numb yet completely and utterly bothered by my surroundings. I want to feel alive, why can't I just feel alive? Tired of the hurting.
Knowledge is power, right? That's what they say at least. Never fully believed it until I couldn't even know myself anymore. Who I want to be. What I feel. What I like and what I hate. How I want others to perceive me. I don't know anything about the person I have been in this lifetime. It's incredibly painful to realize how much of a disaster I've become.
I don't know where it went all wrong. Trust me I've really tried to know where I messed up. Or when I started messing up. Cause it never really stopped.
I can be such a horrible person sometimes. Worst part is I don't even notice most of the times. And now I have to carry all this guilt by myself. It's getting heavy. I can feel it crushing me. A little more intensity until I can't bare it no more. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe it's Karma or some bullshit like that. Life biting me in the ass. The consequences of my actions or something. I don't fucking know. All I know is it's slowly killing me. Drowning me in the sea. Wanting me to suffer lifelessly.
