it feels like im losing myself again. im splitting into this other part of me. im really fucking scared of whats about to happen to me, who i'll become in the next few months. i dont even know who i am, who i wanna be.
because what if i failed? failed at finding my true self.
i dont wanna be the crazy psycho who has enormous dreams that are never fully acheived. yet i never seem to ever have the motivation to actually start something new. youre gonna laugh, of course i had to be scared of newness. ooohhh so terrifying right? i know.
not scared of flying over the atlantic every now and then on my own, but i shit myself at the thought of having a new friend.
i wish i could just not care about what people think, i really try. its just really fucking hard, fuck! im also terrified of deep waters if that makes it any better? i think its the fact im not in control.
jesus, i just figured out nearly 10 years of therapy lol.
