I remember lying on the floor, my best friend was kneeling on my left side screaming in pain, yelling at me to breathe. i remember the fear in their eyes, the helplessness in their cracking voice. her hands on my face. i remember all of it.
the truth is i didnt want to breathe. i felt at peace being so close to the end, i didnt care about anybody nor anything.
i remember the ambulance and the anger i felt. i was so close. i wasnt going to hang on no more. i just wanted it to end.
whys it that everyone always has to save me? why? who said i was worthy of this life, of this planet? i think it is unfair of us to expect to love every single thing about our society. this isnt freedom its a cage. be happy, but not too happy. get out of your comfort zone, go adventure but follow the stupid rules we invented to keep you from being free. exist. but not enough to feel alive.
i think its such a pity to live in this world. it is a pure tragedy.
i shouldve died back then, i shouldve died many times in the past but apparently death doesnt want me either.
i have to live with the pain i caused them for the rest of my life. the pain in their eyes and the betrayal they felt as i slowly let go of my will to live.
