Renga Fluff But I Hit You In The Head With The Skateboard Of Angst

23: survivors guilt

(sorry I Lowkey forgot to update this! Now cry 😍)

Hugging became Reki's main form of comfort. Whenever he could get hugs he took them.

Joe and Cherry came to visit, and they hugged him for a long time. Reki never backed away.

He was in the hospital for a week. Then afterwards he left with Langa and his mom for the police station to answer questions about his now dead family.

Every single living being in that house had died. Reki couldn't bring himself to speak about it.

He stayed at Langa's house until the trial, where he would be with a lawyer, representing his foster family. His dead loved ones. Against his father.

At the announcement of his sentence, his dad erupted into screams and shrieks at him and Reki had broken down into sobs as several policemen detained him and forced him out of the room. Reki had hidden himself by wrapping his arms around his head and having his head down on the table.

It took 10 minutes after his dad was gone to get him to even look out of his arms. He felt so genuinely terrified all the time.

He was staying at Langa's place for the moment, and even there. He always felt scared.

Each night Reki slept, he woke up screaming, the images of the bloody gunshot wounds, his dad standing there, smiling, his eyes sparkling with a horrifying glint of psychological insanity. But other than the screaming, he didn't utter a word until their funeral.

The first time he spoke was giving his speech.

It hurt so much to see his foster parent's parents there, older, knowing they raised their kids thinking that they'd have someone to take care of them when they were too old to live on their own. Knowing he was the reason their children were gone. Knowing he was the reason that siblings now had a missing sister and brother, that their children had lost an aunt and uncle.

He stood on the podium for a minute, wearing all black, and took it in, already crying.

He cleared his throat, "i- I haven't practiced my speech. This is the first time I've spoken since the day all this happened, so I'll try my b-best." He said, wiping his own tears and snot with his sleeve, "Cindy, Bill, and Georgia meant so much to me. They gave me a home, the kind of home I never had. They made a space where I felt so safe, a kind of safe I had-" he let out a sob and kept wiping his tears with his sleeve, pushing on, "the kind of safe I had never felt before I met them and lived with them. They taught me how to love and how to feel loved. They taught me it was okay to be vulnerable and have wants and needs and everytime something was wrong they were there without hesitation, trying their best to help me through whatever I was going through, even Georgia. Who was-"

He paused, letting out a couple sobs so hard the whole place could hear it, even though he had turned away from the microphone, hiding his face in his arms completely.

When he turned back around a moment later, everyone could see the damp spots of tears on his sleeve. So many people in the audience were crying with him.

"Even Georgia who treated me like a big brother even though id really just been tossed into her life at random. She always gave me the- the b-best hugs. They were the b-biggest most l-" he let out another sob, "most loving hugs anyone could ever feel. She'd hug me with every bit of strength she had whenever I felt down, like she was trying to-" he let out a sob, but smiled, remembering the good times, "like she was trying to give all her happiness to me so I could feel it too."

His voice was so nasally, and he was so choked up it was pitiful to watch. But every member of the funeral felt his words trickling right into their hearts.