Renga Fluff But I Hit You In The Head With The Skateboard Of Angst

24: blur

(short chapter only 1k words but there's story slowly redeveloping in my brain sorry for slow updates on this lol)

For Reki, the next days were a blur of nightmares and therapy.

Nothing was easy.

He kept saying to his therapist:

"I feel like nothing matters anymore."

"I don't feel happy alive."

"This is all my fault, they didn't deserve to die, so why am I still alive?"

"I know I have people who love me, but it just doesn't feel like it. Nothing feels like anything."

"I'm tired of living."

"I wish I could just fall asleep for a really really long time until I feel better."

And it sucked, because Reki knew he wanted to be with Langa, he knew Langa was his friend, he knew he had people there for him.

Joe, Cherry, Miya, Oka, Langa, his teachers, his friends at school.

And yet he felt nothing. He didn't want to do anything.

He couldn't do anything. All he felt like doing was sleeping. He hadn't showered since Langa's mom practically forced him to the day he got home from the hospital. He hadn't eaten much at all.

Langa was the only reason he was afloat. He was eating for Langa, brushing his teeth for Langa, because he didn't want Langa to see how much he was really hurting. He was living for Langa.

It was exhausting for the family. It hurt to see Reki like this. Langa was missing school because they knew Reki couldn't stay home alone, Ms. Hasegawa had work during the day.

Then Cherry and Joe came for a visit.

They finally saw Reki at his worst. The worst they had been dreading seeing since the day they met him.

Ever since his 17th birthday, Joe had known something bad was going to happen within the next year. Now he was feeling like an idiot thinking the suicide attempt was the worst of it.

Reki looked exhausted, his posture was slumped and defeated, his face was blank, undertoning wholehearted grief. He was wearing the same pajama pants and hoodie he'd been wearing since his last shower, six days ago. His hair was oily and sticking up wildly. His headband was gone.

His skin was covered in a flaky sheen of dried sweat from waking up in horrific gory nightmares. Feeling absolutely everything all at once at random times of the night, and then switching back to nothing.

"Hey Reki." Joe said, speaking up first.

"Hi." He croaked, speaking for the first time in at least 24 hours.

"How've you been holding up?" Cherry asked.

Reki just started at him for a minute before crossing his arms and shaking his head, tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't know if the tears were from sadness, hopelessness, or guilt for dragging down the moods of everyone around him.

"You up for a hug?" Joe asked, opening his arms slightly.

Reki just nodded and wobbled forward into Joe, who wrapped his arms around Reki firmly.

For the first time in days everything came spilling out. It all fell out in difficult sobs that landed on Joe. With Joe.

And Joe helped Reki carry the weight that had been bearing down on him.

After a couple minutes of crying Reki spoke again, "I feel terrible about everything." He hiccuped, "im- I'm making everyone's lives harder and I want to feel better but everything- everything is so hard. I havnt- I can't keep living like this." He sobbed.

"Then let's make that change, okay? When was the last time you showered?" Joe asked, eyeing the boy's greasy hair.

Reki moved his head to his hand, nonverbally saying that it had been much too long.

"How about we work on that? I'll help you get your stuff together, okay? You've got this." Joe said, trying to make the task feel more achievable by helping him gather towels and clean clothes.

After Joe had turned on the shower, he also prompted Reki to brush his teeth.

Reki did.
Joe could tell he was exhausted.

Reki made the toothbrush look like it weighed a thousand pounds as he lifted it to his mouth. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, despite the only thing he'd done in days was sleep.

"Okay bud, I'm gonna let you shower and while you do that I'm gonna talk to Langa's mom, mkay?" He asked kindly, his tone gentle, like if he spoke any harsher to Reki he might fall apart.

Reki nodded weakly and Joe closed him in the bathroom, then walked back to the kitchen where Cherry, Langa, and Langa's mom were all talking.

"He's in the shower." Joe said, his voice heavy with sympathy and sadness for the kid.

"You got him in the shower? That's awesome. I've been trying to get him out of bed for days, he's having a really really hard time." Langa's mom said.

"I can imagine. He just... I mean the kid just lost his whole family basically. His sister's... His foster family... How was the funeral?" Joe asked.

Langa shook his head, "he was a trainwreck. He hasn't really talked much since. He wasn't speaking before the funeral though either, so I guess it's a step in the right direction. It's all really hard to see. I'm trying to help... But I just... It doesn't make a big difference." Langa said solemnly.

"I'm going to cook something real fast, maybe if he sees a couple people eating he'll want to eat too. He hasn't eaten anything in a while.." she trailed off, hurriedly going to make a simple batch of ramen, knowing it was simple and a favorite of Reki's.

Cherry and Joe then turned to Langa.

"You doing alright, kid? I know this is hard for you too." Cherry asked.

Langa tensed a little, his eyes teary. His voice came out nasally and choked, "I just want him to feel better. I just- I wish I could help him more." He hiccuped.

Joe offered him a hug, and Langa accepted it, letting the man wrap him up in his strong arms.

He felt lost as of what to do. How to help. He was just 16, not even seventeen like Reki yet. Sure his birthday was really soon, but it was a big enough gap that it left him with one more reason he didn't feel capable. Another reason he wasn't feeling like he was enough.

Mid-hug, the inhabitants of the kitchen all heard the shower hitch off and the fan of the bathroom flutter to life.

"I think we all wish we could kid, that's why me and Cherry are here, okay? We're gonna help how we can, and hopefully help get everyone back on their feet again."