still, none the wiser (poetry)

blue

i will always love you,

but i can't love you like i used to,

drugged by childhoods wavering glaze.

i've grown up now and i know you have too,

even though it seems, sometimes, that you

are still the little kid you once were,

the one i will never know.

do you ever wonder where your friends

have gone, like I have so many times before?

do you ever cry for them, for their

unknowns?

and your first love, did you ever cry for her?

did you cry because you wanted more,

needed more?

did you cry for your mom when you were

alone?

do you think she would've loved me?

◇◇◇◇

it is forever on my mind what it's like inside

yours, and that has tainted my love in a

sick shade of blue.

did growing up make you lose yourself, or

did it force you to find the stronger parts,

the pieces that people would accept,

because you had to be strong to make it in a

world like that?

do you ever cry for yourself?

for what you were,

and for what they turned you into?

do you ever cry for what you'll never be

again? for what you'll never feel again?

do you ever cry when you remember your

childhood home, or how sweet summer used

to taste on the tongue of a curious little boy?

do you ever cry when you remember how

hard everything truly is, or when you

remember all the lives you left behind with

one choice?

do you ever cry for the childhood dog who

never finished growing up with you?

did you cry for ours at the end of her

life?

do you ever stop feeling tired?

◇◇◇◇

i'm sorry.

so, so sorry.

but i don't think you could ever understand

what I'm apologizing for.

so i will let you grieve your past alone

and make your future something to hold

close to your heavy heart.

-V