still, none the wiser (poetry)

road

there is a road that i

haven't yet found, which is

dark and winding and

so lulling that you'd rather

wander into the foliage,

into the deepness,

then stay on the grey of the pavement.

so pulling that you can't help

yourself from straying from

the dream you never got to live.

so scary for the people that truly

know who they are, where they're

going, what they want.

so hypnotizing for the ones like

me who have forgotten what

they used to dream for.

i wish to someday stumble upon

that road to nowhere,

to everywhere,

and i wish to someday follow

it to anywhere.

anywhere, because i really can't

stay here.

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

just like i can't remember my dreams,

i can't remember the last time

i really felt alive.

i lay my hands over my wrist,

and i feel the proof,

yet i feel absolutely nothing.

i watch as the others grow around me,

and i watch as they know all

they are supposed to be.

i watch them, and i feel like

i am getting smaller.

smaller and smaller,

until i am young again.

only then could i recall

my dreams.

but, i know that the only thing

really getting

smaller is the silhouette

of the people going down

that road.

they round a bend,

and then another and another,

and their feet never wander.

i can't see far enough

to find where they're going,

but i know that

it is somewhere where they

can be something.

i wish for that road for myself,

and i wish i could have

a straight journey

on it.

but i see the forest,

and i hear the birds,

and i don't think i am meant

to follow a concrete path.

i hope i know one day,

but maybe it's okay not

to know until that day comes.

it will be a far day,

and the road will be a long one.

but i will make it somehow,

even without the dreams that

seem to be everyone else's

map.

-V

(man if you ever feel this way, remember that it's okay to not know a damn thing, just breathe.)