Savior

Chapter 12

Vic and I had cuddled all night. I wasn't up for sex, so I figured the least I could do was lie next to him for some sort of comfort.

I had a long dream. One that was filled with violent images of what my life was like before I found Vic. I wasn't telling him the whole truth, or really much of the truth, but I know the actuality could crush him, so I kept my mouth shut.

It seems like every morning is my prime time to think. It's like I wake up, and my mind goes to the deepest parts of my brain. For instance, I woke up thinking about some of the deadliest things I'd ever done, and how much I regretted them, but also how happy I was that I could learn from those mistakes. There were a lot of things wrong with me, but finding Vic was something I would never consider a flaw.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I was still out there on the streets. If Vic had never found me. If I had decided not to stop in that specific alleyway. Would I be dead? Would I still be on the downward spiral? I like to think that alternate-universe me would be out of that rut, and would be on their feet, but a part of me doesn't see that happening. All my life I've depended on someone or something to make everything better for me, so there's no way I would be any better than I was that day in the alleyway without Vic's help.

A lot of people would label me as a pessimist, but I think I'm an informed optimist. I think of the worst case scenario, so when something better than that happens, I'm relieved. I had to grow up in this state of mind, and it almost seemed like I was living in a fairytale half the time. With the house so full of smoke from marijuana, and the stench of heroin floating through the house, it makes sense why-

"Morning, Kell," Vic breathes into my neck, dragging me out of my thoughts.

"Good morning, baby. How did you sleep?" I ask, letting the word 'baby' slip right of my tongue.

"Baby, aye? Anyway, I slept well. How about you, baby?" he asks, smirking a little toward the end.

"I don't know. It just kind of works. Besides, we are kind of a thing," I tell him.

"Mhm. Okay, now get out of the bed. I'm going to make breakfast, and I think we should watch a few of those old morning time shows." I happily agreed, and we walked to the living room hand in hand.

—

After a few hours of us lazing around, Vic and I decided to do something more exciting.

He walked with me down the hall, claiming he had something to show me, which, supposedly, wasn't really a big deal at all.

We went through a few hallways that I hadn't bothered to explore, before stopping at the door to the library. I was confused, but went along with it anyway.

"Don't ask questions until I get to what I want to show you, okay?" Vic asks, turning towards me and giving me a look that tells me he's completely serious.

"Oh, okay," I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest and looking away.

Vic goes over to the side of his desk and flips a switch, causing a section of the wall to slide to the side. I just stood there in utter shock as I watch Vic walk through the wall.

"You coming?" He asks, motioning for me to walk with him.

"Y-yeah." I say, looking to the side before forcing myself to continue walking.

There is some sort of tunnel that is lit by flickering fluorescent lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling. 

"Where exactly are we going?" I ask quietly, not looking up from the ground.

"I told you not to ask questions. Just keep walking. You'll see when you get there," Vic explains, his tone softening towards the end.

We walk for a little while longer before we come across a door. Vic unlocks it with a key I haven't seen before, and leads me through it.

My vision is completely clouded when I walk into the room, but when he turns the light on, I see a large bed with different things surrounding it. These things look to be like something someone would use when practicing BDSM, but I can't know for sure.

"Vic, um, why did you bring me here?" I wonder out loud.

"Well, I just wanted you to see exactly how I am. You know I like BDSM, so I figured I would show you just what I mean. This is what some would call my 'playroom.' There is nothing for you to be scared of, and if you don't want to participate in this sort of thing, then you don't have to. I want everything we do to be consensual and for both of us to get pleasure from it. In fact, I was thinking that if you actually wanted to do this, we could make up a contract, and we could also discuss safe words and things of the sort. Feel free to back out at any time," Vic explains to me.

"Oh. Well, I can't say I dislike this? I don't know, it's just a lot to digest. Maybe give me a little time to think about this?"

"I can give you all the time you need."

—

Vic wasn't lying when he told me he would give me the time I needed. It's been almost a week since he introduced me to his hidden room, and he hasn't asked about my decision once.

I have been thinking about the whole sex thing, and I think I'm pretty confident as far as the trust. I'm okay with having sex with Vic, I just don't want it to become something that I don't want, which is what I'm afraid of. I know I won't be able to say no to Vic when he asks me to do these things after I agree, which is what has caused me to be hesitant.  I really want to be able to communicate with him, but I feel obligated to do what he wants me to because of the fact that he's taken me in and done so many things for me.

My main fear is being afraid to have sex with him because of one experience that I may dislike in particular. I know he would never do anything that I didn't want, but the nagging thought that he may end up ignoring me due to the situation makes me a little cautious. Part of me feels like I should just suck it up and go along with something that I obviously want, but another part of me feels that I should wait it out and become more familiar with sex before I just jump right into this.

As I was thinking, Vic enters the room, dressed in a baggy tee shirt and khaki shorts.

"Hey, Kell," he greets, smiling slightly as he walks past me to sit on the other side of the couch.

"Hey," I mutter shyly, looking at my hands.

"What's up?" Vic wonders, seeing my expression.

"I was just- well, I was thinking about the whole sex thing, and...I know I want to try it, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Like, I want to be more experienced before we do things like that. If not more experienced, then I at least want to talk to you about a few things and do the contract you talked about," I explain, releasing a long sigh.

"Okay, I understand. I probably wouldn't want to jump right into it either, so I get your hesitance. I think maybe we should write up a contract that just explains what we want and what we don't want and things like that. I won't do anything without your permission – you know that, but I want to out things like that in the contract, too. I want you to know that I am serious about this being for the both of us," Vic replies, grabbing my hand and tangling our fingers together.

"I'd like that." I smile over at him, leaning in for a kiss that is interrupted by a phone call.

Vic pecks my lips quickly, then pulls away and runs over to the kitchen where his phone sits.

I try not to listen in, and it's tempting, but I manage and eventually end up humming after a few moments.

Vic walks back into the room, running a hand through his hair.

"I have to go to the hospital. My brother got coffee and spilled it on himself, the idiot. They think he has second degree burns," he tells me, rolling his eyes.

"Oh my God," I say, my eyebrows raising.

"He's ridiculous. Smart as hell, but ridiculous." Vic goes back into the kitchen and I hear jingling noises, signaling that he must have picked up his keys.

"I'm going to go. You can come if you want." I nod, the both of us walking up to the door and putting our shoes on.

—

I love you all

Until tomorrow x