Day 25: a friend you have lost that you’re better off without/one you wish you had back
Now this is complicated. Wala akong kaibigang talagang nawala; kaibigan ko pa rin sila. Siguro nalayo lang.
The Library Nerds
~the name that was given to our group (James, Eric, Gienel, and yours truly). Nakatambay daw kaming lagi sa library, naglalaro ng games tungkol sa spelling, kaya iyan ang itinawag sa amin. Since second year, lagi kaming magkakasama – kahit sa pagpupulbos ng mukha, sabay sabay pa kami.
Pero, alin nga ba sila dun sa dalawa? Kasi sa tingin ko, pwede namang pareho.
How I’m better off “without them”
Kasi ang totoo, hindi ko alam kung paano kami naging close. Pero nung mga panahong lagi kaming magkakasama, nararamdaman kong “op” ako. Nakakasundo ko sila, oo. Pero hindi rin kami pare-pareho ng mga hilig. I’m ashamed to own it, but once I wondered whether they were just using me.
And there’s still the research proposal, which had been the most eye-opening event for me. Noong malapit na ang defense, alam kong hindi ako makakasali sa tatlong mag-dedefend ng paper namin. I was ready for that. But when the time came, they didn’t (or at least, they weren’t able to) tell me that I’d be on the sidelines. Nasaktan ako noon kasi ang feeling ko, binalewala nila ako.
Nakalampas na kami doon, at nanalo pa ang paper namin. So, kailangang idefend sa regional ang project, kaya naghanda na naman sila. Hindi na rin ako nakasama noon, kasi hindi na nila sinasabi sa akin, at isa pa, RSPC din noon. That, along with the consequences that followed, was another blow.
Matagal kaming hindi nagpapansinan matapos noon – maybe because none of us knew what to say. At one point, I even wrote Gienel a letter, asking for reconciliation. She did reply. She said that she’d forgiven me, and asked for my forgiveness too.
But after that, I believe nothing has changed. We went our separate ways – although ‘tis for the best, I think. From how I see it, pare-pareho na kaming hindi na nasasakal. We’re free now, to do as we will, without minding what the others would say or whether they would disapprove.
I found myself. And they did, too.
How I wish I had them back
This is more a matter of my being a romantic person. I’m sure I’ll miss how we were before: waiting for each other, asking whether the rest of us would go to school, reviewing for quizzes. I would miss the trips to the library, during which we’d scour copies of Reader’s Digest for spelling words.
The feeling that we’re all in it together.
I wish I could redo all those. Because, d@mn, we have only nine days left of high school life. The rest is uncertainty.
Wala lang, nostalgic lang. Lahat naman ata e. But don’t get me wrong; I’m not bitter. I was, but not anymore.
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A/N: I’m writing this not only for the challenge, para na rin dun sa mga taong involved. Haha. Guys! Kung binabasa niyo ‘to, well. I plucked up courage to do this. We’ll still be friends, won’t we? I wish you luck and good fortune in the years to come. Sorry. J
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~Nine days left. I pray, forgive... but don’t forget.~
