Gangster Teacher

Teacher 13

I'm not good at comforting people that's why I just sat beside him and keep my mouth shut as he silently sob.

Nakakailang lata na kami ng beer at mukhang tinamaan na siya. Bumagsak na rin ang malakas na ulan kaya saktong-sakto ang beer for the cold weather.

"I... I can't sell this studio." he said between his sob.

"Then what will you do?"

"H-Hindi ko alam. Dos agreed to put this on sale pero hindi ko magawa. T-This is the only memory our lolo left to us. I can't afford to loose it." he said then started to sob again.

Napabuntong hininga ako. I decided to put my hand on his back to caress it at mas lalo pa siyang naiyak. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang isipin na mukha akong nagpapatahan ng batang nadapa.

"Do you really want to keep it?" tanong ko at tumango naman siya. He wipe his tears at sinamaan ako ng tingin. Oh? Ano na namang problema nito.

"Wag mong ipagsasabi na umiyak ako lalo na sa mga classmates ko."

Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa narinig. At talagang naisip niya pa yun?

"Asan nga pala si Dos. Bakit mag-isa kalang dito at nagpapakasadboy?"

"Sinong sadboy?!"

"Alangan namang ako eh babae ako. Wag kang mag-alala hindi ko ipagsasabi." sabay tawa ko na ikinaismid niya lang.

"Nasa bahay si Dos. Malamang eh nagkukulong din yun sa kwarto niya." sagot niya sa tanong ko kanina bago binuksan ang isa pang can of beer.

Nanahimik ulit kami at tanging ang pagsinghot lang niya ang maririnig. Maya-maya rin ay bigla na naman siyang umiyak.

"Huyy. Okey kalang? Ang lakas ng tama mo ah."

"Wag mo nga akong pansinin!"

Tinawanan ko lang siya. He's short tempered and hot headed kaya hindi ko mapigilang matawa ngayong nakikita siyang umiiyak. I shouldn't laugh at him but I don't want him to think na kinaaawaan ko siya. I know people like him doesn't want sympathy kaya as much as possible, I don't want to pity him.

"You know what Uno, sometimes you need to open up to someone so the burden on your chest will lessen. You need to remove the guilt inside you. The death of your grandfather wasn't your fault and no one is blaming you about it. It's you who's making it hard for yourself."

Yumuko ako at tinitigan ang hawak na beer.

"I also lost someone I love and I've blamed myself for her death. If only I was strong enough to protect her. Kung hindi sana ako nagpadala sa takot then she might have been with me now, or maybe we've both gone to a safe place."

Naramdaman ko ang paglingon sakin ni Uno. My mom's image came rushing as I reminisce our memory together. But when the memory from that night appears, hindi ko mapigilang mapakagat labi. I closed my eyes and brush off that memory.

"My point is, you may blame yourself. Okey lang na sisihin ang sarili but you also need to free yourself from that guilt. You are suppose to walk forward and let go of the past. You can't let that guilt keep you from the dark. Hindi gugustuhin ng lolo mo ang ginagawa mo. Gusto mo bang hindi siya manahimik sa kabilang buhay? You will make him worry for the both of you. Make yourself free, then you, your brother and grandfather can be at peace."