Never Ending | Marvel Black!OC | [in rewriting]

CHAPTER THIRTEEN • Compliance.

Janet's point of view.

It must have been now thirty minutes. Thirty minutes that I am being yelled at as if I was a kid because I was supposedly late. I'm doing my best to stay calm but I feel like each words colonel Phillips is shouting at me is making my anger grow, more and more, until it will just explode and I know this cannot happen, at all costs. It has always been like this: if I'm angry I just have to shut it down, suck it up and stay put, stay silent. But the difference is each time that happened before, that grow of anger, I was always just being yelled at because I (still supposedly) didn't do enough, because I made a mistake, even because I did too much sometimes and all of this is of course not true but I am a woman and I know that even with how hard I try to do just right and exactly what is told to me, there will always be something wrong with it. I'm sort of okay with that rule now, I mean the truth is if I don't go by it I know I'll lose everything and I can't risk this, I've worked so hard to get here and I'm not even the top position that I'm wishing for. I know I already have a long and pretty successful career behind me but what I've done is so tiny compared to what I have to do and to what I had in return. During all these years in my career, never have I been accused of not following the rules this way and that's simply because I never did. If I know I must not do something, I won't, so today I know I didn't have a specific hour to get here by, I know that. And now I am actually being accused of this? Of being late because I wanted to? So I'm a liar, now? That's unbelievable, if there's something that gets me past my anger control limit it is this: call my honesty and loyalty into question and that is exactly what's happening here. I'm here watching the floor arms crossed, stressfully taping my finger against my arm to avoid colonel Phillips' eyes but this little exercise to calm myself down a bit is not working. At all.

"- I asked you when you came here do you think you got what it takes to bring me what I needed. Days have passed, almost a week and you did not bring anything yet, agent West. I asked for a responsible adult that knows how to follow the rules and most importantly obey my orders--

- And in which way didn't I obey your orders and which rule haven't I followed? Or are there specific rules that I do NOT know about?"

I finally turn my eyes at Colonel Phillips, arms still crossed. He pauses for a second and stares at me, silentely for a minute as if he was trying to calm down as well.

"- How many times do I have to say it to you, West?

- You said I was late, I arrived here at around 9. Why is it--

- What's wrong is--

- Why is it wrong when I do it, but okay when others do?"

Silence, for long seconds. Colonel is staring at me with one of his usual dark and angry gaze. Shouting this at him was maybe not the right play for him to leave me alone, but I couldn't help. This discussion is going nowhere, all of his points are unjustified.

"- Agent West, you better hear me well and listen to me now. In silence--

- All I'm saying is--

- I am your colonel. Now if you have anything wrong with it you get out of here and you go back to your previous life, out of this serious matter, out of this job. You are far from being irreplaceable. Now get out of here and I better see you working and leading us somewhere or you leave. Consider here as the field, and on the field, your place is obeying orders. We're done here."

I can't help but shake my head in disbelief for a minute while looking at the floor, anger currently boiling through my veins. I don't even know what to answer, the same thing that I've been saying for the last 30 minutes? What for?

"- My apologies for bothering you colonel, but agent West is being asked."

I lift my eyes at Peggy who's at the door looking at me with a disapproving look once again.

"We were just done."

I sigh and silently leave the office, not even looking at Peggy. She's my friend and I really appreciate her, but I already know what she's going to say. Since all the years that I've known her in this work atmosphere, she has always told me the same thing, the same "act like this and like that" speech and right now that's not what I need to hear but I guess I don't even have the choice. Only a few steps out of the office and she grabs my arm to stop me, pulling me a few meters away from everybody.

"- Janet are you out of your mind now ?", she says while still holding my arm. Just like I said, she's saying it's on me. I'd rather let this pass, stay silent, and look away, again. Same process as I did with colonel Phillips, what a coincidence.

"- You can't just do as you want, you have to learn how to obey, especially in here. I'm talking to you Janet are you even listening?!", says Peggy while shaking my arm. I violently remove it from her, taking a step back. What is wrong with her?

"Do NOT touch me like that agent Carter."

Peggy stares at me in silence for a few seconds, she sighs before leaving. Great, another superior of mine that is upset with me. I can't help but nervously chuckle for a second before walking towards my station, I feel like this day is going to be draining. Very, draining.

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