HOME - Taejoon

25. Stay

Taehyung held the cold sheet under his palm. He was lying down, looking at Namjoon's sleeping face.

After the Kim family had left, Namjoon returned home; Taehyung insisted that he be with his family and that even if he wanted it was good for him to spend the night with them, but he didn't even want to. So, the injured person had to resign himself to having him at home, to cook dinner and sit down to eat in silence.

They both knew something was wrong, but neither spoke. The only thing certain is that he no longer cried, not for Namjoon but for himself; He told himself that if he had to live with his boyfriend for one more day, he would not give him the satisfaction of seeing him torn into pieces; That's how he gathered what he had left all the way until night, when they both lay down to sleep.

At first, they turned their backs on each other, and neither knew the truth: in that bed no one could sleep until after three in the morning, and only because Namjoon was not able to bear it anymore due to exhaustion from university. If it hadn't been for that, he might now be looking into the eyes of his boyfriend, thinking about how equal they were, just as Taehyung was considering it.

There was a difference in age, perhaps, and origin and economic rank, but the truth is that perhaps deep down they were the same person.

Namjoon had once talked about his teacher, about how repressed he was before coming to the city, about how he hadn't been with anyone else that he could remember before him. He seemed to him at first like a conceited child, since he always had everything even with that lack of expression: his father was important, his mother a model wife among the families of Incheon, his sister a shadow in her own world. It even seemed tragic that he would complain about something as banal as not having had a true love when he was young, something childish and fast, romantic and sincere.

Maybe if he had it, he wouldn't have looked for it in the wrong places.

Taehyung avoided thinking about the boy he was with, about that handsome little boy with huge eyes who had looked at Namjoon with such admiration, with precious stealth. Maybe he was like Taehyung too? It was clear that they shared at least some admiration for the eldest, which perhaps was the secret, the furtive thing, that made them shine so brightly just by being close to the eldest.

Probably, if the circumstances were different, everyone could get along, share something, whatever. But that wasn't the case, and no matter how much he considered it, he couldn't find a way to share his boyfriend, nor to let him go. He felt guilty and stupid for not being able to make a decision like that, because what did it cost him to love himself for once and not beg for something that wasn't worth it?

It was horrible to accept that, in fact, it could cost him even himself.

He bit his tongue at the thought, and, seeing that his presence did not bring his boyfriend back to consciousness, he decided to do what hours before he would have cursed: he approached him to kiss him on the forehead, smile at him and whisper an 'I love you' so weak that seemed fractured by fear.

Afterwards, the defeated man got out of bed to go to the kitchen where he just stood, observing where Namjoon's family had been the day before. He remembered the dinner they had had months ago, the sweet sex that followed, but most importantly was the promise he had made him.

He bit his lip, again, only this time it fractured and let out some blood. Suddenly, someone knocked on the bedroom door.

"Ah...Kim Taehyung?" It was the first thing the delivery man said when he saw the boy, finished and barely dressed, open the door. Taehyung nodded. "It's for you," he handed it to him, a small box, between his rickety hands, "uh... could you sign this please?" He handed him a form that Taehyung took immediately, making just a scratch before dismissing the man and closing the door.