See no evil - The awakening

30

It took me 5 years to feel safe again. Ever since my 25th birthday I walked with a pepper spray in my hands at night. I added locks to my apartment's door. I ran to my car and locked the doors even before turning it on. On my 27th birthday Nico and I split, he thought my paranoia was too much, he couldn't handle it. He said I should see a therapist because I had all the symptoms of PTSD. Which I did, but couldn't talk to anyone about, how could I explain it? Even I thought I was losing my mind at some point. How could that man be real? He just couldn't.

I wrote a whole novel about him once, but I couldn't publish it. The thought of him reading it, realizing I didn't forget about him when everyone else did, was haunting. What could happen if he did now? If he knew I did remember him?

10 years had happened between each of the times I saw him, so when I turned 30 I was quite sure I still had 5 more years before having to encounter him again. There was no logic whatsoever to this thought but it was the only way I found to be able to feel safe and try to live my life in a somewhat normal way. I was older now, so I tried to make sense of what I had experienced almost everyday, trying to remember that first day, his bloody mouth as he looked at me from inside that car, and there was only one word that came to my mind every time, but I just couldn't wrap my head around that nonsense.

I also tried several times to talk to my friends about what happened the night of my 25th birthday, but they all found logical explanations for it, they blamed it on alcohol or said our drinks might have had something put in them. Nico just said it never happened and talked to Tom about how crazy I was, to keep on with a lie after 20 years. It is funny how you can feel so alone when the people closest to you don't believe you.

30 was a big number and I hadn't celebrated my birthday for 5 years, so that night my friends said that was not going to be a number that I would spend alone.

They booked a room at a closed door pub near my house. Steph was my childhood friend, we'd met when we were 7 at school and just kept together through life. Her's is much different from mine. She got married young and has 2 young boys to whom she dedicates her life to. A life choice which I absolutely respect but wouldn't want for myself.

I published my first novel at 25 and have written 5 best sellers since then. My books, my characters are my family and where I feel the safest. My first novel was called "Unbelievable" and I think you can grasp the irony in that one.

Steph believed I shut down after Nico, and hadn't been open to a relationship ever since. I date men but not more than for a night stand and she thinks it's because I'm still heartbroken. This is, by no means, the truth, I just think it'll become unavoidable that the mystery man will appear again in my life and I'll just end up being called crazy or a liar again.

Steph calls around 8pm and tells me she's arriving on an Uber, that she'll come home and we'll walk together. Around 8:30 we are already at the party. Everyone I know is there, she loves to throw a party so I spend more than 3 hours chatting with people and drinking wine and actually, having a great time. There's a garden in the back, so when I need a second to breathe I go there, there's a bar there so I approach the barman and ask him for a fresh glass of Rosé.

– We haven't met yet. – A man in his 30s stands beside me, he is tall and handsome. He looks as what you'd expect someone who works in investment banking would look. He is polished and you can tell he takes care of himself.

– I guess we haven't.

– I'm Luc. I'm friends with Steph and I guess I should be saying happy birthday.

– Ah, thanks Luc. I'm Cas. – I say as I thank the barman and grab my drink. – How do you know each other?

– We met a while ago, walking our dogs, it was destiny I might say.