See no evil - The awakening

Stay

My day was done and I went to my room. It wasn't a good one. I was missing my family, my friends, I hadn't talked to them in a very long time. I was missing my life. It was pouring rain outside and I was sure my sadness was a reflection of the weather. Or the other way round. At that moment I couldn't be sure anymore.

I got directly into bed and started crying. I had kept up the strong act for too long. I was broken and desperately trying to stick the pieces together as they were falling in the air. I clearly was not doing it quickly enough.

Luc opened the door and I saw his silhouette being drawn by the moonlight. —Cas? I brought you dinner.

Was this what jail looked like? Routine and dinner in your room. Start. Repeat.

—Thanks Luc. I'm not hungry tonight. –I said calmly.

I heard his footsteps getting closer. He placed the tray on the nightstand and sat on the side of my bed next to me. He placed his hand on my hip. I hadn't had human contact for such a long time.

—I miss my family, Luc. –I said and I could hear the sorrow in my own voice.

—I'm sorry. –I knew he truly meant it. —It's dangerous for them if you get in touch.

—Yeah. –I said. I was tired of listening over and over to the same speech.

—I'll leave you alone. –He stood up slowly and before he finished I grabbed his hand.

—Could you stay? Would... you stay... please.

He let go of my hand, as I was already used to him doing and stood up and started walking towards the door. I turned around and gave my back to him. I heard the door closing. I took a deep breath and tried to pace down the beating of my heart.

Some seconds later I felt him getting into bed. I didn't turn around but felt his arms around me and his chest against my back. He placed his face on the back of my head and said nothing.

He smelled like the man I had loved. He felt like the man I had loved. But was he?

—Was it all a lie? –I asked, almost whispering.

—No. –He said, firmly.

—Do you still want to die?

—Yes.

I don't know why listening to that hurted so much.

—I won't kill you.

—Yes, you will.

I turned around and faced him. My front head laid against his. —I won't.

I placed both my hands against his cheeks and repeated. —I won't kill you Luc.

That was the first time I kissed him knowing who he really was. It was a choice, it was not a burst of feelings. I knew what I was doing, and had complete knowledge of how wrong it was to have feelings for a monster. But was he? Completely? Is anyone really completely a monster? Maybe he was what I needed to be able to heal, maybe I needed to forgive him for what had happened. Maybe I needed to give him the time he had once asked me. Maybe by loving him, he would find a reason not to want to die.

...

Blood splashing over my face, it's warm and dripping through my fingers. My hand is pressing against something. It's beating. Oh my god my hand is holding a beating heart inside a living body.

I'm angry, I'm livid.

I remove my hand and the body falls to the floor. I open my finger and hear the sound of flesh and blood crashing with the ground.

I'm screaming. It sounds like growling.

The room is covered with bodies.

I'm hugging a lifeless body in my arms. She is a woman. I'm screaming. My throat is hurting, my heart is hurting.

I put my head up and see my reflection in the mirror beside the bed.

Bjorn.

...

I opened my eyes. I was laying down in bed looking at the ceiling. His arm was across my chest and his head on my shoulder. I felt the warmth of this naked body against mine. I still felt his pain, his sorrow and despair. I didn't feel scared or angry. I felt sad for him. I kissed his forehead and passed my fingers through his hair.

He opened one eye and raised that eyebrow and scratched the closed eye with his hand. —You're gonna get me in trouble.

I smiled. —Good morning to you too.

He got out of bed and I contemplated his beauty. It had been a while since the last time I'd seen Luc naked. —You are gonna get me in trouble. –I joked while looking at him.

He picked up my clothes from the floor and threw them at me. —Get dressed, you need to train.

I picked up my clothes and threw them back at him. —No.

—Cas... –He said seriously.

—Sorry. No Sir!

He started dressing and I quickly ran to him and took his remaining clothes away and threw them to the other side of the room. —I said no.

—Casiopea, we need to be downstairs before anyone...

I pressed my finger against his lips to shut him up. —Not before taking a shower.

I turned around and started walking towards the bathroom. I got in the shower.

Some seconds later Luc came in.