See no evil - The awakening

35

The night of my 35th birthday everything changed. I had kept my secrets from everyone I loved for too long now. 4 years had passed since I saw something being killed in front of my eyes. I never saw Idris again. There were no more killings.

— We remember the victims of these atrocious crimes Today. Justice has not been served and families were destroyed and are still seeking explanations. We hope whoever is responsible for the death of these 20 young souls is rotting in the most terrible of hells. We will never stop searching, we will never stop until we get to the person who did this. – Juan had been promoted to Lead Detective and everytime he appeared on the news, he remembered the victims and swore on national television he would still look for answers. I knew he would never find them.

Unsolved crimes became an obsession to some people, during those years, books were written, countless news hours were streamed and experts from all over the world came to Argentina to try and help our investigators find the person responsible for them.

I kept having his dreams for some time, I can't remember exactly when they stopped, but I do remember longing for sleep as I could experience life from other times in them. I tried to figure out how old he was through my dreams, as if I was sure these were his real memories. The last time they came when I closed my eyes, I was a viking warrior, or so I thought. I saw myself waking up on a bed and looking at the timber roof over my head. There was someone laying next to me but I didn't look to see who it was. I walked outside to see the most beautiful of scenes, a huge lake coast between mountains. The dreams were not like movies but more like flashes of moments. I saw myself stepping onto a boat which was how I thought Viking boats looked like. I saw myself in battle, I saw myself digging my teeth into a soldier's neck. What I never saw, was one of the 20 victims who by that time I could recognize anywhere after seeing them countless times on the news.

If he had killed them, he wasn't dreaming about them.

I know what you are thinking, what happened those 4 years after Marco attacked me? Well, quite a lot.

The night I ran and got back home, I had a few options. I could stay, relocate to another place in Argentina or leave. The only option I did not have was going back to my flat. I knew that by staying I could potentially be endangering everyone I loved. These things I could not talk to anyone about, where not something I could fight, I could not just go to the authorities and tell them to protect me and my family. Most likely I would end up locked away at some hospital spending the better part of my day talking to a therapist about my non-existent trauma.

So I knew staying was not a real possibility. I stayed for a while at my parents house, and spent as much time as I could with them. It was actually nice, even as a grownup, to be able to experience your parents as equals. The hardest part was to explain to Luc why I couldn't come back to the city. I used my writing as an excuse and he came to visit me as much as he could. We spent 2 or 3 nights a week together and he eventually became a part of the family. He would come some days and sit down with my father and stay there talking about sports, and politics, and who knows what for hours and hours.

I started talking to him about wanting to go somewhere else, about needing a change of scenery to be able to complete my book. He was understanding but he always said he needed to stay in the city, but that we were strong enough to be able to keep the relationship alive even if we had to see each other less. Luc was the type of person who does not see life as something short and fragile. He saw it as this long journey one shouldn't be rushing into. Change didn't frighten him, it excited him.

We started looking together at possibilities. I knew I wanted a place away from people, away from cities, a place where no one knew me, where I could be just the new woman at some house and no one would be interested in me. Luc didn't find this strange as my nature was that of a loner, so he didn't think I was hiding, he just thought I was being myself.

The first time I saw the house I knew it was it. Luc and I were searching online for rental houses and he saw it first. He was sitting outside in the shade with the laptop on his legs and his feet up on the table. —Love! – he shouted and I walked outside to him.

— Look at this one.

He offered me the computer and I took it with one hand and turned the screen to my eyes. This incredible house was there. Huge windows that served as a canvas to the scenery. A lake coast house. I could immediately see myself on the couch facing the fireplace. I could see Luc coming to visit to cook some Italian pasta in the open kitchen that would be lit at night by the moon resting over the lake. I imagined us both walking through the pier at night with a glass of wine and a blanket covering our shoulders.

— This is the one. –I said and a week later we were both walking those wooden floors seeing it for the first time and falling in love.

I turned off the TV and opened the windows to walk outside. It was quite cold for a spring day but that's the weather you choose when you move to Villa la Angostura. I went back in to look for a heavier coat and some coffee. Ready for the weather I walked towards the pier and sat at the wooden bench we've built with Luc a couple of months ago. I contemplated the enormity of the lake in front of me and took a deep breath of cold dry air which filled my lungs. I had gotten used to the silence.

35. I thought to myself. Was I the person who I expected to be? I thought so.

I took my phone out and looked at my text, Clary had written. I've made some new friends in town since I've been there and Clary was my closest one. She had helped me settle in and get to know everyone in town. We met the first day I arrived. Luc and I were in town shopping for groceries and I was picking up some vegetables. She approached me and told me I was in the wrong place.

— You are in the wrong place, you shouldn't be buying vegetables at the supermarket, those are for tourists.

— Oh, ¿thanks? So, where should I be buying them?

— Marta 's. She's 3 blocks away and you'll get fresh organic products. I'm Clary by the way.

— Cas. – I said and I offered her my hand.

She laughed and hugged me. Welcome to Villa la Angostura Cas.

— How did you know? I was not a tourist?

— Small town. Give me your phone so I can save my number.

I did and we became friends almost immediately. Clary owned a wine shop in town. Her family had lived there all their lives so she knew everyone who lived there or had ever lived there. She had stories and gossip about whomever you crossed paths with. She was a bit younger than me and had married very young. Her husband has cheated on her with a woman who came on holiday and is now living with her in Buenos Aires. They never had kids. I came to learn later that it was a very difficult topic to talk to her about.

My 35th birthday. For some reason I fantasized about turning 35 for the most part of my life. I thought it was going to be an age to remember. It was the first time we were all getting together in a long time, Steph, Luc, Tom, my family and new friends were coming. They've traveled a long way to spend this day with me, everyone had booked their rooms and we were having a party at home.

I had prepared everything, we would dance and eat, we would have a great time, but I hadn't prepared for him to come back into my life.