My Soldier (Bucky Barnes)

Broken & messed up

TW : Violence, mentions of blood and SA

It had been a few months to when I got properly introduced to our new home, the Avengers Compound and many things have changed ever since. I managed to get control over my increasing powers and can now even conjure up object using them. I and Wanda grew close due to our shared trauma due to HYDRA, the powers they gave us and our likings for TV sitcoms. Nat joins us too at times. Sam joined the team and so did Rhodey. It always fun with him around. Tony is usually caught up with meetings and some events happened with him and Pepper. She got injected with a serum similar to mine, a milder version though, well she got cured and Tony gave up his heart. Literally, he got a heart transplant and wears the iron heart for suit purposes now. Steve has become serious than ever. Always on about missions and HYDRA blah blah blah so I took him and Sam with me for a beach vacation but in vain, he got a lead on Rumlow after six months so we had to say bye bye to beaches to beat up some bitches.

Now I am standing on the roof of a housing complex in Lagos while we wait for Rumlow and his team who were here to steal a bio-weapon. I was looking around for any sort of suspicious happenings when I spotted a red Range Rover. "Anybody see a red Range Rover halfway up the block?" I asked on the radio. "Its cute.", Wanda responded while she sipped some coffee as she took cover in a cafe. I was dying to have a cup of coffee. Steve got me to liking it. Sad thing, I didn't know how to make it myself but Steve would always make a cup for me every morning. God bless him and his kind ass. "Hey Wands, if you don't mind, could you order another cup of coffee and send it here? I'd die for one right now." "Ana. Focus on the mission, we need to stay low and stealth", Steve hissed on the comms. "My bad." I nodded and continued on the look out when suddenly he jumped out of the window. Such a drama queen.

I jumped after him and flew across the streets to where some guards had been entering in a building. I jump into a window and land next to some people in the hallway. "Ana, they're getting into IFID hea-" "Calm down Rogers, I'm already in. Everybody keep calm and get to a safe place. I need the patients and doctors out. There's an attack." I say as I walk towards the wards. I spot Redwing through the windows. "They are keeping the patients and civilians as hostages", Sam said. "Which floor?" "Seventh. Be careful, sweetie." I had no idea on which floor I was. "Which floor is this?" I ask the nurse next to me as she starts evacuating the people through a sub stairwell. "This is 9th floor." I run towards the main stairwell exit and jump off into the middle of the spiral. I jump two floor downs and then the guards start shooting at me. I create a forceshield around me which causes the bullets to burn into ashes before they hit me. I extend the shield and they all get consumed into fire. Once I enter the hallways I start fighting in hand combat as fire may trip the fire alarm. I keep fighting until no guard is left. I huff out a deep breath and then just a man in heavy suit throws me into the store room. I felt the earpiece fall out of my ear. I fall onto my back and he gets me on a chokehold. I fake being dizzy and kick him into the groin for him to let me loose. Just then he holds me by my hair and I take out a knife and cut his arm off. He screamed in pain. NOBODY TOUCHES MY HAIR. I grew them out this time and they fell onto my back. Due to the serum in me, they would usually grow faster than a normal human. I took out my guns and shot him right through his head thrice to ensure he was dead. I then hear a sound of someone whimpering and sniffling. I look around behind the file shelves to find a small boy with a lady onto the floor surrounded by blood as he was looking at me in fear.

His lips were trembling as tears continuously spilled from his glassy and red eyes. Fear was evident on his face. "Don't shoot me" that was all he said and then started shivering. The gun was in my hands. They boy was in front of me pleading to spare his life. It was all the same.
"Don't shoot me" the little boy whispered.
"Leave him alone!" the woman pleaded while I shot her right into her chest. The boy rushed to her side and held her lifeless body. "Mummy!"
"Mummy!" the boy cried as he held onto her lifeless body.
"PLEASE!"
"PLEASE!"

I didn't even realize what was real and what was a memory as my hand raised and I aimed the gun at the boy. If this was another nightmare, I had to end it the way I had done in the past. Tears spilled from my eyes but I had no choice. I couldn't do it myself. HYDRA had royally messed me up. I was split seconds away from pulling the trigger when an explosion blasted into the room. I got thrown into the hallway while the fire and heat engulfed the entire floor. A ringing sound was all I heard. I got back into my senses and quickly started looking for the kid and his mother. I lifted up the shelves and various boxes but froze in my place when I found his little hand full of scratches creeping out of the rubble. My breath shuddered. I could have saved him. But no, I let my damn fears come in the way and affect me. The bloody memory was fresh in my mind. I fell onto my knees as I let the guilt and disgust creep into my mind. I heard some footsteps in a distance. It may be one of the surviving HYDRA guards but I didn't get up. I had no energy in me to fight them. What would it prove anyways? I am no different than them, a monster. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands on my shoulder. "Ana! You okay?" it was Steve. I didn't answer him so, he moved in front of me but glanced at the hand creeping through the mess. "Hey hey hey you did what you could okay? Its not your fault. Where's your earpiece? Are you hurt? Ana?" He kept shaking my shoulder but nothing came out of me except tears. "Can you get up?" he asked me. I stood from my place and threw the lockers and shelves over to another place and picked up the boy's lifeless body. I didn't even look at Steve and headed outside of the building. I heard some camera shutters clicking and flashing of lights from them but I kept a straight face and headed towards the rescue team. One officer looked at me in surprise and I handed him the boy's body. I left before anyone could ask me any questions. I walked away from the scene and saw Wanda crying next to Nat who was trying to calm her down.

"Hey, you good?" Sam asked as he approached me but I didn't look at him. He followed to where my eyes were looking and explained me the whole situation. "Steve had Rumlow on the ropes till he detonated a bomb. Wanda had it covered till she lost control and it blasted in the building. Where were you? We were calling for you." I still didn't say anything. Sam sensed my changed demeanor and gave a face of worry. "Ana, did you hear me- oh" I immediately cut him off by hugging him tightly as I cried on his shoulder. "Its okay, it'll be all gone ok? We are here to keep you safe." He kept whispering in my ears throughout the hug. I let him go but he kept his arm around my shoulder to keep me close to him. After sometime of rescuing the survivors, we all went inside the quinjet to go back home. Within seven hours, we were landing onto the hangar of the Compound. I picked up my bags and headed straight into my room. I didn't have the energy to talk to Steve, Sam, Nat or Wanda. We both needed time to recover from the accident. I dropped the bags after entering the room, stripped out of my uniform leaving my bra and underwear on  and hopped into the shower. I let the cold water fall onto my skin as I tried to wash off the day's events. If only I hadn't let the memory possess me, I could've saved the kid. I could've rescued him safely and his mother too. Then I would've covered up for Wanda when she lost control. Probably could've absorbed the fire and even have Rumlow alive to serve his punishment for torturing me and Bucky for years. I wanted to give him a taste of hell which could've been more than enough to have him live a miserable life of being dead mentally but physically alive. Oh how I had always wanted that for him. He messed me up. Not just mentally but physically too. My innocence was taken from me by him and his men. That sick man had waited for Winter Soldier to be gone for a mission so that I could be alone and helpless. Death was simply an escape, I wanted terrible things for him, I wanted to feel thrill of hitting him where it hurts but at last, that psycho fucker had escaped from me again and forever. I punched the mirror and the shards of broken glass fell down everywhere. I looked at my knuckles, bloody and cut open but they didn't hurt... Years and years of those acts left me I numb to feel that sort of pain. He left me broken and messed up.

A/N : Sorry for late update, I was grounded for sometime so all my devices had been taken away from me. But I'll make sure to post it regularly if not everyday.