My Soldier (Bucky Barnes)

Feeling it Back

-ANASTASSIA POV-

I could hear soft sniffles from around me. My senses were slowly coming back to me. My body felt stiff and sore like I had slept for too long. Suddenly something dropped onto my cheek. It was wet like water as it slipped from over my cheek and into my ear like tears do. I could make out something being said but the words were still unclear and tangled till I focused onto to the words. "-I love you." I heard a muffled voice say. It was dark around me but somehow the voice was able to pull me back to light. The person waited a moment before continuing. "I love you, Natsya." It was Bucky. Only he calls me that. I was only 'his Natsya'. I wanted to let him know that I was listening to him. I wanted to tell him how much I wanted to say the words back to him but I just couldn't. I could hear him talk clearly as he held my hand. The feeling of my hands and legs was coming to me slowly with the numbness fainting. 

"I miss you so much that it hurts to know you are right here but you aren't there. I need you to come back, doll. Come back to me please. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I'm ready to wait for you to say the words to me but now, I just need to get a response from you right now. I need to know you are here, with me." I am here Bucky. I am trying. Really. I need to stop Tony and the doctors from taking you away from me." It broke my heart him in this state. My eyes fluttered open slowly as I took my time to adjust to the even dim lights. I looked his way an saw him on his knees, crouched and crying into my hand as if I'd slip away like a dream. "Please tell me you are here. Please. I love you. I'll wait for you, doll. Tell me you are here, please. Please please please please..." I continued to cry. I opened my mouth and managed to croak out the words that very much needed to hear "I am here". 

On hearing the words, his head shot up and his red glistening eyes looked straight into mine in shock and happiness. When the look over his face didn't change, I managed give a gentle tug at his hand and intertwined it with mine. He let out a few tears before holding my hand a little tighter and standing close to my body. He bent down and let his metal arm settle on my face as he stroked it a few times to make sure I was really there. The touch was soft and simple but enough to make me feel a warmth from inside of me causing me to smile slightly. "Are you really here?" he asked me slowly to which I nodded because it was being difficult to speak with dry throat. "Oh goodness. You are here. I missed you so much, Natsya." he said as he held my left hand in both of his hands. Soon his expression fell into a serious one when he noticed my discomfort. "Hey hey hey what's wrong? You okay?" he asked urgently. I took some big gulps in hopes of wetting my throat enough to speak a little. "Water" I spoke poorly. 

He quickly took out a glass and filled it with water from the jug next to it. He then brought it to my lips and let me drink. The bed was angled to make me lay in a close to sitting position so I didn't spill any water while drinking. "I am so sorry", I spoke after he brought down the glass from my lips. "Natsya-" he started before I cut off his words. "No let me say this. I am sorry for whatever I said. I just panicked. I panicked really bad. I didn't want to talk about it till I was ready. I wanted to take my time with it but when I hard everyone talking I- I felt violated-" "Which you should. We should be the ones sorry for making you feel that way. We shouldn't have put you in such a place to forcefully tell us about it. It's just when people care about someone, they can go to lengths and might hurt the other person. But all we wanted was to look out for you. They all mean something to you and you know that. You mean a lot to them Natsya, just like family. We should've understood your boundaries and privacy. If anything we are sorry. I am sorry." he looked down in shame. 

I raised my other hand and held his chin as I raised his face to look at me. "I don't blame you at all. I was thinking straight when I said stuff. I meant it when I said that I'd always protect you. I am sorry for hurting your feelings. For the words I must've said. God I yelled at Nat, Vision and Wanda. Wanda oh god, I fucking said shit about Pietro and that's so low- fuck...", I grimaced over the words and hurtful things I said to all. They must hate me a lot now, especially Steve. "Hey don't think like that. You may not know but we've all been coming to meet you and talk to you. I've heard them say that they are sorry and that they deserved what you said. Everyone came by, except um" he paused. "Except who?" I asked. "Steve." I looked down in shame. I remember calling him out for being an awful friend and person and that he was a nobody to me. "I have to apologize to him. To everyone. Except Sam and Bruce I think, I don't remember saying anything to them." I tried hard to think. "You didn't, don't worry." Bucky said with a small smile. I smiled a little too. "Did you inform them that I'm up?" I asked in curiosity. "No, fuck I forgot, umm. FRIDAY, inform everybody that Natsya is up and alive." he said with a laugh. I just softly slapped him in the arm but let out a groan when it hurt due to the injected needle pierced into the back of my hand. "Karma", I heard him mutter while I gave him a playful glare. Our banter soon died down when we heard the elevator does open in a distant followed by the noise of several footsteps till a the door of the medical room opened followed by hint of a red mist.

I mentally smiled to myself knowing that at least someone pulled off a badass entrance. Nat and Wanda walked in first followed by Tony, Sam, Bruce, Vision and Clint even. They just stared in disbelief at me for a full minute. The girls didn't waste any time and quickly jumped in to hug me. I could feel their tears on the back of my hospital gown. "Ana we are so sorry. I know you don't need them but hear us out. We were being bad to you. We shouldn't have talked like that behind your back", Wanda spoke before she broke into cries. "We shouldn't have doubted you at all. We should've waited for you to come in terms with it. We were wrong when we forced it upon you. We are horrible people." Nat continued for her. "Guys, I am the one who should be sorry for such hurtful things and also since everyone is in the room right now, you don't have to repeat the same apology again. Bucky told me everything." I added with a smile towards him. I saw his eyes become watery again because he then turned around and tried to quickly wipe them before I saw them but I did. They all nodded. "Kid you scared me so much." Tony gushed as he then hugged me tightly. "They are all idiots", he whispered in my ear to which I let out a chuckle. 

"I'm starting to think you love this room now", he joked. I laughed at it and pushed him playfully. "Miss Dvorvak, I shouldn't have exploited your privacy. I am truly sorry for it. I asked Mr. Stark to quickly code in a new feature into me of not disrupting one's privacy." Vision said sincerely. I know he did it cause he cared but it wasn't right either. I felt really sorry for having burst out on him too. "I appreciate what you did, Vis. But it wasn't the right way. I accept your apology." He nodded understandingly. "Just one day I don't show up in the lab, you wake up", Bruce commented from the corner of the room. I chuckled out a little. "I guess you were the wrong medicine for me then." I said in sarcasm. "You are too funny but seriously, it's good to see you, kid." he replied. 'Good to see you too." I looked around and my eyes met with my other best friend, my hero. "You don't wanna hug me, Princess?" I asked him. "I retire for what like 10 minutes and all goes to shit. Obviously wanna hug you!" Clint said as he quickly tackled me in a long and tight embrace. "Laura was scared, she had visited you." I felt sad on hearing that knowing I couldn't listen to any of them talking to me. "I am dying to meet her too. Maybe I can come around and meet Nathaniel?" I asked him but it was followed by Nat mumbling "Traitor" under her breath. 

"Sure, the kids would love to say hello too." he spoke carefully knowing the full on effect of kids on me. "I'm sorry I wasn't there last time-" he said referring to my last stay in the hospital. "Clint, you had to be there for Laura when she was in labor. It's actually good that you didn't come, I was a full on mess then." I mumbled the last part under my breath. "Hey but you are good now. A month of rest must've done you good!" he exclaimed.  "Yeah, thanks wait- I was out for a month!?"