My Soldier (Bucky Barnes)

I am here

-BUCKY POV-

*7 DAYS LATER*

"So, its day 7. Tony is getting you shifted to the compound. You haven't woken up yet but I really do hope that you wake from this coma. I miss you chatting around with Wanda and Natasha. I miss the fashion tips that you give me everyday. I miss how you'd always try to convince me to cut my hair shorter because you say it suits me. I miss seeing you paint next to the lake. I miss the way you laugh, you smile. I miss you a lot. We all do." I let out a small yet heavy breath out my mouth on seeing her like this. "Steve has been on missions for a while and Nat is in Washington DC with Fury. Wanda doesn't talk much but her eyes show a deep sadness in them. Vision keeps her company. And about Sam, you'll meet him after me." I said to Natsya as she laid in her hospital bed with wires and tubes around her along with the constant yet subtle beeping of the heart monitor.

I made it a habit to come to the hospital and talk to her, trying to get some of her hopes back. Three days back, she got a seizure again. Not a bad one but, not small one either. I was scared to my wits. The doctor decided to put her on induced coma till the seizures improved so I made sure to come meet her everyday. I held her petite hand attached to the drip in my calloused one very carefully as I stroked my thumb on the back of her palm. "I miss you, doll. Please get well soon." I said as I engaged in more one-sided talks over most random things. I hoped she was listening to me. I wanted her to. There were still things unsaid from my side and I wanted her to hear them. 

*15 DAYS LATER*

"- I did tell him not to pull on the bands but he did it anyways and face planted himself over Thor's ass. Sam being Sam just kept poking at the stupid kid for 'getting to eat an Asgardian ass', as he would say. I don't think he'll show up for the training today. He's a good kid but he talks too much. Like he shouldn't talk so much for his own benefit. I bet you, one day, he might just blow off his cover on a mission. He's a pain in the ass. Just like how Steve once was when he was little-" I laughed a bit. "Oh and Natasha wanted to give a news to you but I guess you'll have to wait. She wants to say it herself. But don't you dare tell her I told you about it before hand. Just act normal or give a twitch in the eye to show your response. Oh wait, I'm getting side tracked. So there was this one time in the 40s when little Steve and I went for breakfast and-" I continued on talking to her unconscious frame in the bed before I had to leave for dinner when Natasha called in. 

*23 DAYS LATER*

"-Tony tried hard but the fish was quite huge so he got pulled into the water. Thor was trying to get them like a bear but he got pissed at that and was about to strike a lightning. Like seriously man, lightning? Wanna fry us with the fish or what.. Luckily, Jane called him then so he got out quickly." I laughed out as I reminisced about the fishing weekend Sam took the guys to in his village. "Oh did I tell you this? Jane and Thor expecting a kid. He's deciding to stay on Earth now. Odin wasn't happy but Thor didn't give a shit about him. He really wants to be there for his family." I smiled thinking about the family I had dreamed to have once the war was over but the time never came. "You know, before I went for the war, I always thought of working for a newspaper firm. It gave good money. I'll think of saving it up for my sister's- Rebecca's, school and for Mum's hospital bills. Dad was never with us." I let out a sigh before continuing as I held her cold hand. 

"He had left Mum and I when Becky was just 1. I was just 13 then. I had to work in a few places to meet our ends everyday but when the war started, I enlisted cause it paid sufficiently enough for them both, and Steve. He was a part of our family too ever since after his mom's death. I wanted to come back home to a still little Steve, my Mum and a grown up Becky. Also for someone who'll be ready to wait for me. I'd have a family with them, be a good dad unlike my father. Cherish them all with love and happiness and protect them for life." I shed a small tear which I quickly wiped. 

"I guess fate wasn't in our favor. But I hope my Mum and Becky lived a good life and died peacefully. I hope they had good people around them in their last moments. I anything, I'd like to apologize to them for not being present for them. I wish they knew the truth of what had happened. I didn't want Becky to die before me. She was my younger sister. I wish I could talk all my words back from our last conversation. I told her not be a bad girl or else I wouldn't love her. I really wish to turn back time and say that I'm proud of her being such an amazing person. That she is my best girl. That I love her no matter what. I wish I could repair my mistakes with her, my mom, my dad and with you. I really wish I was there for you that day. I want to be there for you no matter what. I want to spend every moment with you alongside me, be it a mission, any Friday game night, dinner or even training. I want to be there with you. Cause I lo-" I paused realizing what I was about to say. It would be wrong to say this now. I want to say it when she can hear me and tell me she loves me too. "Cause I care for you, Natsya. I really do." I finished as I quickly covered up my sentence. I sat in silence for sometime as I listened to the beeping from the heart monitor. It was still on a normal pace.

*35 DAYS LATER*

"Wanda's been worried about you for long, I know, you don't like it but that's her nature. You were the one who told me that one shouldn't change who they are. But basically, yeah she misses you a lot. We all do. I do. I really miss your presence, Natsya." Tears stung in my eyes as I tried at preventing them to fall. The doctors had been complaining that her conditions weren't improvising. She wasn't responding to anything. Even after the whole team had been trying to talk to her to get any sort of response, there had been no luck. I had earlier overheard Tony talking to Bruce about if she had been brain dead. I couldn't let her die. Not when I had started falling in love with her. I had to let her know my feelings for her and I wanted to wait for her to hear them, say that she loved me too. Right now, I stood next to her bed as I held her hand to my chest with tears falling down from my face. 

"You have to wake up Natsya. I am such a dumb fuck for not being able to say this before. I need you. I need to hear your voice. I need to you laugh at when Tony gives us all weird nicknames. I need to see you come to the compound with your hands full with shopping bags. I need to see you sit with Natasha and Wanda as you three laughed together at God knows what. I need to see you smile at me. I need to see you kicking Sam's ass in the training. I need to see you fight in your new suit that Tony made for you, at least for once. You still have to train with me. You have to meet Peter yet. I promise he's a good kid. He would never trouble you. In fact, he'd like you." I closed my eyes as tears clouded my vision which were now spilling out. I wanted her know this, even if she responses or not. 

I can't keep it to myself all my life just for her to go away from me right now. I took a sharp and deep breath in before speaking. "I know it took me a long time to say this but every moment that I spent here with you reminded me of all the time we spent with each other. Good or bad, we spent it together. Even when in HYDRA, I always somehow knew that you were the one person I could always trust with my everything. I never once doubted you and your trust. You caring for me back since then has been the only thing that stayed with me no matter what. Getting to spend all this time with you is the most natural and real thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know if you can hear it or not or if you can response or not but I need to say this. I love you." I waited a moment before taking a deep breath again. "I love you, Natsya. I miss you so much that it hurts to know you are right here but you aren't there. I need you to come back, doll. Come back to me please. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I'm ready to wait for you to say the words to me but now, I just need to get a response from you right now. I need to know you are here, with me. I need to stop Tony and the doctors from taking you away from me." I dropped to my knees as I still held her hand close to my face and sobbed. "Please tell me you are here. Please. I love you. I'll wait for you, doll. Tell me you are here, please. Please please please please..." I continued to cry into her palm. It was until I heard a soft voice say, "I am here."