Falling in Love With My Brother

Chapter 20

I can't get over thinking about my little brother's words even after we got home. Pambihirang bata, pakiramdam ko parang hinuhuli niya ako. Does he know anything about my feelings? But he's just a child! He won't understand any of this yet. Malamang ay kung ano ang maalala niya o kung ano ang pumasok sa isip niya ay sasabihin niya.

I should be more careful with my actions this time. Walang dapat na makaalam sa sekreto ko. Maybe I just have to endure keeping this to myself, for the mean time.

I checked the time and it's 9:10 pm right now. I'm in my bed, preparing to sleep. I opened my phone to see some updates. Una kong napansin ang isang text message galing kay Jared.

Jared:
What's up?

I started typing a reply. Kaka-send palang ng reply ko nang tumunog ito. Jared's name appeared on the screen for an incoming call.

"How's your day?" bungad niya nang sagutin ko ang tawag niya.

"Hmm... fine." I answered in a sleepy voice.

I heard him chuckle. "Are you sleepy?"

"Medyo. I'm preparing to sleep when you called. Medyo pagod din, namasyal kasi kami ng mga kapatid ko kanina sa labas."

I went on talking about my day and he patiently listened to me until I asked about his. It was a usual conversation with him. I share my story and he listens and when it's his turn to speak I also listen.

May isang bagay akong na-realize habang nag-uusap kami. Kahit anong pilit ko, wala na akong makapang excitement o kakaibang feeling unlike sa nararamdaman ko para kay Kuya Tyler. Kay bilis pala magbago ng damdamin ng isang tao. But I also discovered one thing. Masarap palang kausap si Jared. He can be a good friend, a genuine one.

Ngayong wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya, I feel guilty. Kung sana hindi ko siya pinaasa. I admit that it's entirely my fault. I never thought that feelings quickly fade. I also didn't expect that I'd fall for my own brother.

Now I'm determined to correct my mistake. This time, I will be honest with him. Alam kong maaari siyang masaktan sa magiging desisyon ko pero mas lalo ko lang siyang masasaktan pag nagpatuloy ito. Hurting him now is better than to let him keep on hoping for something I cannot reciprocate.

"By the way, are you available tomorrow? After class in the afternoon, perhaps?" he changed the topic after a while.

Saglit akong napaisip. Gusto ko siyang tanggihan dahil naalala ko ang mga salita ni kuya Tyler. He already knows that I'm seeing Jared. Hindi man niya sinabi, but I know there's a warning in his message.

"Can I... invite you out for a dinner?" he sounds hopeful.

"Hmm... okay." pinasigla ko ang aking boses.

I changed my mind in the end. Alam kong maaari kaming mahuli ni kuya Tyler, we just need to be very careful this time. Isa pa, there's a reason why agreed to this. This could be a chance for me to tell him about my feelings, and to finally put an end to what we started. We were never official, but we had mutual understanding right from the start. Ako lang itong nagbago. He said he's willing to wait, however, my feelings for him changed. I liked him, it wasn't love that I felt for him. Perhaps, it was just a trivial attraction. Now I feel bad and responsible for everything. Whatever the consequence, I'm willing to face it.

"This is... our second date." ramdam ko ang pinaghalong tuwa at lungkot sa boses niya. Fuck, I feel so bad ngayon palang.

This is our second date, indeed. After our first date about a year ago, we never had a chance to do it again since kuya Tyler was always around, watching me closely. Na-kontento na lamang kami sa simpleng mga text, tawag, tingin at sulyap kapag nagkikita sa school.