R6s: Operation Valiant Sword

The Shadow

The next day.

I was in Harry's office. Today my session was different. It was like a normal chatting with a new friend. It wasn't anything like others phycological sessions I've been.

- So Morel. How have you been settling in Rainbow?

- I'm settling in fine.

- have you made friends?

- Wait Harry... What is this? --- I chuckle and frown. --- "You sounded like my mother when I changed from school".

Harry laughs and he place his leg on his knee. --- "This is just a friendly conversation. You're our newest member. Is right to us to know if you feel comfortable here or if there's something bothering you. Even if you have problems to work with someone"

- I'm okay, Really. I haven't had a problem with anyone yet. Well... I had a small issue with Pereira in my first days but I fixed that a while ago. So yeah, everything is okay.

- that's good to hear. I heard you have a practice today. You know what is it about?.

- Is to familiarize myself with other operators. Elzbieta told me yesterday.

- ah good. Is really important to know how to work with the others.

- Yeah, I know that. Harry. I feel there's something else going own. Why don't you just drop the bomb?

- drop the bomb?

- yeah. I know how to read people Harry. I know you want to talk about something else but you don't know how to start with the topic.

- You're right... Is about your mental condition. PTSD. You have eleven years of combat experience and now you're here fighting against the white mask. That constant stress and pressure Is not good for anyone and the more you spend fighting, the fastest you develop PTSD. I need to know if you're suffering from stress or Trauma. I need you to be honest. Don't lie to yourself.

- Harry, my mental health is my first priority. It comes before the mission or anything else. If I'm mentally fucked up then I wouldn't be able to do anything and I could get myself killed or my teammates in danger. And is worst now that I'm team leader.

- I didn't expect you to be so honest. But I'm glad about it.

- hmmm. Well, I won't lie you Harry. I have seen some shit that anyone shouldn't see. Or things that people shouldn't experience. Really. Grotesque and brutal stuff. Dismemberments... Do you know what FUBAR stands for?.

- No. I'm not familiar with that term.

- It stands for "Fucked up beyond all recognition". I have seen both friends and foe in that state. Only the dog tags could tell us who we were looking at. Oh.. and that fucking smell of rotten bodies. The sound of people screaming from the pain, the sound of flies when there's rotten bodies. The pressure of the combat and getting heavily bombarded. I still remember the first guy I killed. I remember I did it with a knife and I felt it sinking into his chest and felt his blood running down my hand and felt his heartbeats stop and the warn of his body leave. Is something really fucked up. I don't know if that's a trauma or not but is just uncomfortable. That experience.... I don't know how to describe it. I keep telling myself it was him or me. I had to survive to save my father from the cancer. That's what kept me going back then. Now is just the thought of see my family again. In person. But I've been busy. My family is living their lives and time is just passing away too quick. I remember my whole family. I was shocked when I saw the other day my two nieces and my nephew in a photo in Instagram. My oldest niece has seventeen. The other has fourteen and my nephew has thirteen. My brother was also in the photo and he looked old. I don't know if it was the light in the photo or if I actually saw a the side of his head turning grey. It must be the stress or something. He isn't that old.