MY LIFE (BLOG)

BLOG#11

16/03/2022

So, um... I honestly don't know what to feel because my father gave me a schedule because this week, I won't be going to school this week. And I am so far doing something but with the timings it feels like I am doing nothing I like. 
But I brought this upon myself. My father let me have my own way for a very long time and it literally brought me nowhere so obviously he had to do this. (Because he gave me so many chances already to right my wrongs).

And the thing is it's so EASY yet so HARD to study. Like for one thing I love learning (especially if it is something that interests me) and doing papers (if only I know the answers) but with studying I have a love hate relationship. There is a part of me which likes studying (and kinda enjoy it) while the other one just dreads with the mere idea of it.

We will be having a small evaluation in our school for the 1st term this year, but the schedule is not out yet. I need to stop worrying even though I am studying. Which is a very small part. So, with that I just can't wait for my holidays. These days I am trying to limit my time in the laptop. I only used the laptop 3 days last week but then again i did use the phone a lot as well.

! Warning!
! Mention of Suicide!

You know I have said before too that I just wanted to give up. But at some point, I feel I am being selfish because if I did give up in any way, I would be disappointing, giving pain and anger to a lot of people around me.

Suiciding is also kinda another way of giving up? I am not honestly so sure about that but however when I was younger when I heard about people suiciding my parents and few of my relatives told how foolish and stupid, they are. And at some point, I also thought that because I wondered, could there be any reason worth giving up our life for?

But even after being in situation where I wanted to give up, I am still not sure if there's any reason that we can validate with that giving up our life is ok.

Because there's a limit to what people can hold on for and at some point, in their lives, they don't hold on anymore and give up on their lives. But then again killing yourself shouldn't always be an option as well. IT's not a smart option at all. Sometimes we just act out in our emotions and do a lot of things that we might regret later.

There are people who choose suicide for some of the smallest reasons and because of that the society doesn't give much importance to the victim's reason for doing what they did, while some people use it a way to get attention and pity, which is not right at all. Because people aren't going to look out for or care for the people that might actually maybe going through hard times.

And even though I have told before I'd choose death at some point and why I am not choosing it is because of people around me, there is still going to be a part of me that is genuinely going to be sad for my own self. I would be sad knowing I won't be able to achieve my dreams, see my siblings/cousins grow up and not being able to live with my friends and support them in their careers as I promised them.

So, yes people let's just keep trying our best and live this life.

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I know this one was shorter than my previous one, but I was wondering if I should put the other part, I have written but then decided I'll put it in the next part since it's going to be talking about something very different than this and I don't want to add both of them together.

But hope you got to know something more about me through this blog...

TAKE CARE,
BYE.