Just my cup of tea

Blood Shot eyes in the mirror

Robyn stayed close through the night. We opened a bottle of wine and she rolled a few spliffs. I told her stories of you. Each memory flashing through my mind as though it were a movie in my head. Some stories I left out, moments that could not be shared with anyone else but you. The way you trailed your finger along my lip as we sat by our log at the beach, The moment you lay on me wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in my arms. "I want to wake up next to you everyday"...I let your words out in a whisper as I looked at the couch across me where Robyn lay sound asleep. I got up and placed our glasses on the table, safe out of harms way. I walked to the bathroom and stood before the mirror. I looked at my reflection, blood shot eyes starring back at me. It was time, my clay pot that kept everything perched inside like a baby bird in a nest finally cracked but before the storm erupted I felt your hand in mine and I looked back up to my reflection in the mirror.

There you stood next to me. You grabbed my arm and shut your eyes as you pressed your head against my shoulder. I starred at you; half knowing this is another lucid dream. I placed a hand over your head and kissed it. "You don't have to apologize anymore my sweet angel. The day I fell in love with you was the day I realized that I didn't care what anyone else in the world thought about me, except you. Your opinion meant more to me than anything or anyone. And now I see that my opinion was the last on your list. Not because I was not important to you but because you didn't believe me.  You didn't believe how beautiful you are in my eyes, how angelic. You didn't believe me when I said you are worth all the stars in the sky not just one. You didn't believe me when I said you make me feel as though I have a home. How I wish you would believe me.  How I prayed endlessly for you to see what I see in the mirror. You don't have to apologize anymore my sweet love, because everything I did or said, I did from love." I kissed you again on your head as you turned around and left the room.

I woke up with a pierced heart. I looked at my hand as though your touched lingered on it. I know she is gone. What madness is this, to hope that one day you will wake up and your heart wont let you forget,  and you will come looking for me. Maybe this was your plan all along and you are coming back for me. You promised, you said it. You said you wont ever leave me alone. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, so what of a person who loves over and over again regardless of the pain inflicted? Does that make love the element of insanity?

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I noticed Robyn sound asleep on the couch across me with a glass just cupped in her hand. I lifted the glass and placed it on the table and threw a blanket over her. She's a good friend. In the absence of a brother I kind of hope I became I sibling to her. Yet not even she could not cure this, not this time.