Just my cup of tea

Drought

I walk through a passage, its cold and eyrie. At the end I can see what seems as though a faint door knob but I cannot see a door. I look beside me and theres nothing, I look behind and still nothing but the silence fills the rocky black walls. I'm not afraid but rather curious as it dawns upon me that I'm dreaming. They call it lucid dreaming; the ability to have somewhat control of your actions in a dream.  I clench my hand into a fist, I can feel it but I cannot see it. Suddenly smoke fills the room and my lungs tighten. I start to run to the door knob as it stretches out in front of me. The wooden door comes into view with a symbol of the moon, sun and stars in black paint on it. I see it and suddenly im rooted. This is just a dream, there is no smoke here. My lungs instintly relax and I stretch my arm out towards the door. I open it and fall back as I see four wolves before me. They move towards me as they get closer together they merge into one. Left in the spaces previously ocupied by the other wolves were words written in blood.

Anger     redemption    love

The Wolf turns and looks at each word and back to me. It pounces at me knocking me to the ground.

I wake instantly in a cold sweat. Turn to look next to me and grab my pillow. I lay back down and hold it tight in my arms as the scent of baby colon fills my nostrils. They say it is both a blessing and a curse to feel things so intensly; I have yet to decide which one is mine. I lay still for a few minutes as the scent calms me down again. I check my watch beside me and notice I still have an hour before I would have to get up. I reach down to the bottom draw and pull out a bankie. One head left and the drought is upon us. I guess I knew this day would come. Where I would have to go a day without my usual three spliffs to get me going. I had planned out some subtitutes like sushi or soccer, just something to pass the time or tire me out.

Its been a week and a few days...and it still sits there in the back of my mind, tugging at my brain, digging towards my heart. The spliffs help, its almost as if the smoke pushes it back up and away from my heart, surrounding it with a protection layer. By this time my spliff is ready, I take a pull and finally feels like I can breath again. This sounds insane, all of it. But then again, you don't ever just slowly and gently settle into love, you fall into it and when its gone, you break. Crack open like a clay pot pouring out all that filled your heart or whats worse, you silently break. With each pull the smoke heated up my clay pot and kept it in check for now.

I looked towards my phone and as a new habit I leave it exactly where it lies, knowing there is no point in checking it and I go off to prepare for the day. On my way to work I now stop off at a vender for my tea. I ran over a mental list of clients and appointments for today and made note of a break in which I could finish my half spliff. I see a cart of green apples, first blow of the day. Thankfully my phone rings.

Robin: "I'm running late! Please grab me a sandwhich on your way to work. I'm in the train."

Alice: "You didn't have to come you know."

Robin: "Rubbish, of course I had to come."

Alice: "Well don't come to my office, I have a lot of clients today. You can go to my apartment, you know where the key is."

Robin: "Do you have food?"

Alice: "Yes Robin, theres some stuff in the fridge and wine as well. I know I don't have to tell you to help yourself."