As we walked through the parking lot, I sent my mom a quick text, telling her not to worry. It was silent the whole walk, and as I climbed into the truck I saw a pair of earrings sitting in the cup holder, glittering in the evening sun. I knew they weren't mine, but I held my tongue. I had no right to ask, we were broken up. He turned up the radio, and we barely said anything the whole way to my house. It was painfully awkward, and it wasn't the way I had imagined our reunion every second for the past ten days. When we pulled up I immediately went to get out of the truck
"Thanks," I said reaching for the door handle.
"Wait," he said, placing his hand on my leg, and like an injection to freeze the blood in my veins, I didn't move a muscle.
"Faith, I don't know what to say, I love you. I'm going crazy without you." All I wanted was to collapse into his arms, but I felt as though the earrings in the cup holder were being pierced through my heart.
"Who's are those?" I said pointing to them. He said nothing as he stared down at them. "Don't lie to me.: I said sternly, I would walk to the ends of the earth for Matt, but I'd drop him right there if he tried to tell me those were not Courtney's Tiffany studs.
"Do you want the truth? I nodded. "Courtney and I hung out. But nothing like... happened. At least not what you're thinking. I raised my eyebrows at him.
"If you're gonna be an asshole, at least tell me the truth."
"Faith, I am. I didn't have sex with her. I didn't even kiss her. Believe me she tried."
"Matt, I can't get back with you if-"
"It's not, please Faith. I miss you. I miss you so much. You're it, you're everything, and I understand if you hate me but I want to make this work because I want to be with you." I didn't say anything, and I wasn't looking at him. I didn't know what to do.
"Please say something." He pleaded.
"You can't hang out with her if you want to be with me. you have a choice to make and-"
"There's no question it's you." He jumped eagerly
"Will you let me finish?" I said interrupting him "I don't want to be this person, I don't want to be that crazy girl friend, but I can't get hurt by you, Matt. I just can't." he took his phone out of his pocket and clicked through it for a minute, he leaned over showing me the screen of his phone as he touched the word Delete the phrase Are you sure flashed up under Courtney's name, he clicked yes, but I wasn't so sure if I was.
Matt kissed me, and I knew I loved him more than I ever had throughout the past few months. But in the back of my mind, I heard something Sandy had always told me through her many heartbreaks
If you break up once, it's doomed. It'll never be the same.
I shoved the thought to the back of my mind, and kissed him back, thinking how lucky I had been that he'd turned around and chose me, out of every girl, he could have any of them, but he wanted me.
Matt came inside for dinner that night, and my parents were skeptical at his arrival, but knew better not to say anything while he was there, but as soon as he left, like a bee sensing honey, my mother was sitting on the bed in my room waiting for me to come up and explain to her, exactly how Matt had re entered my life.
"So, he's back." She said simply, crossing her legs as she sat on the corner of my twin mattress. I was pacing back and forth putting things away, and getting ready for school the next morning.
"Yup." I said simply, not hiding my obvious contentment, I smiled at her.
"Well, that's good, we like Matt."
"I do too." I said laughing
"But," whenever your mother comes in your room to have a talk with you, isn't there always a 'but'? No matter how well the conversation is going there is always an underlying reason why she's there. "if he cheated on you-"
"He didn't cheat on me." I said curtly, cutting her off.
"I said IF, Faith. IF he did cheat on you, you know better, and you know what I'm going to say, get out now. You're better than that."
"Okay mom, I already told you he didn't, so I don't know why you're giving me the third degree." I was getting angry at her, and I knew I had little right to. She was just trying to protect me, but let this be a sign in the future, when the right guy comes around, everything IS perfect. You don't feel the need to run away in the middle of the night, or to feel sick every time you're alone with your own thoughts.
There are so many things I wish I was told growing up, but as my mother rose to her feet and stood by the door, the severity of what she told me didn't sink in until it was too late;
"Faith, one more thing," she began, clearing her throat "Just because you lose your virginity to someone, or because you love them when you're 16 years old, doesn't mean they are the be all end all of you're life." She closed the door gently behind her, and for some reason I felt guilty even though I'd done nothing wrong. The blood rushing through my body suddenly felt thick, like when you open a container of paint after a few years, and it's sort of chunky and moves slowly out of the container, until you shake it up. But I stayed where I was, my feet nailed to the floor, and swallowed hard, nodding at her, silently wishing she would leave. As mom's always can, she must have read my mind, she came over and kissed my cheek, placing her hand on the back of my head.
"Good night Fay."
"Goodnight Mom."
I pushed away thoughts of anything astray, and as I was laying down to bed, Matt called me to say goodnight, and I felt my heart rising up in my chest, we ended up on the phone all night, and even though I couldn't call anyone for the rest of the month, those hours spilling my deepest secrets over a telephone wire was more than enough to assure me things were different this time, he was on my side. He loved me.
I was still beaming nearly a week later, as I changed for gym class in the locker room, still in a hazy day dream, Matt had been so attentive and sweet, I was in heaven.
"Can you believe she actually thinks nothing happened?" I heard Courtney sneer at one of her friends, laughing.
"She has to be stupid or something, I mean did she really think Sullivan would ever like her?" I quickly and quietly walked around to the stalls at the back of the locker room, shutting the door behind me and stepping onto the top of the toilet, were they talking about me?
"Well, I guess we'll find out Friday night, my parents are out for the weekend, and I'm having a party," Courtney countered, and I could almost see the devious grin spreading across her face "and Matt surely won't bring that loser to one of my parties, he wouldn't even dare." I heard Gabriella, Kelly, and Courtney leave the locker room, and I willed myself to believe what they were saying was all a lie, that Matt would never, ever lie to me. But soon enough I found myself crashing through the door of Sandy's English class, dragging her into the hall by the hand, trying to catch my breath as I prayed my best friend would come through, as she always did in times of trouble.
"What are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Nothing I guess." She said shrugging
"Well now you're doing something," I said placing a hand on her shoulder, "We're crashing Courtney Louis's party."
YOU ARE READING
This Kiss
Teen Fiction“Okay, I could be wrong because I only saw him for a second, but I think, I think it was Matt Sullivan.” The music was loud and the floor of the club was crowded with people, at a concert that would soon become the talk of the year. Straight A stude...
