Being Pulled in a New Direction (Boyxboy)

Chapter 11

Aaron:

Have you ever had a moment in time where everything seems to finally fall into place? Where everything that once confused you finally makes complete sense?

That was the exact feeling I felt when Zayn kissed me for the first time. It's almost as if anything that was pulling me away from him unhooked. All those suppressed feelings that I had once felt a long time ago towards him resurfaced.

He took me by surprise. He never told me he had feelings for me. I wish he would have told me a long time ago because now I sit here beside his hospital bed completely stuck. Torn between two people that I love and care for very much. Two people that I wish I didn't have to choose between.

But I know somewhere inside me, my heart made a decision for me. It's just my mind isn't made up yet.

I sit indian style on the chair next to Zayn's bed. I've sat here in this exact spot for the past three days, only to get up to shower and eat. He's been fast asleep from all the pain medication he's on. But still, I sit here and watch him like he's the most entertaining channel on the telly. Liam and Harry took the rest of the guys home to sleep. I hope that Harry comes back to keep me company. My mind starts to wander when I'm alone and it's a pretty scary thing.

Zayn shifted around but didn't wake up. My eyes were fixed on his every move. The rise and fall of his chest. I even heard him say my name a few times and it took me by surprise. Even when he's unconscious, I'm still swimming around in his thoughts.

Haz came through the door. "Hey babe." He kissed my cheek.

I kissed him back but didn't say a word. We sat there in silence for a while. He shifted awkwardly in his seat until I could see he was annoyed.

"What is it Haz?" I questioned.

"You ask me to come spend the night here with you but you just sit there and ignore me. You've been ignoring everyone. It's like Zayn is the only person here." He buried his head in his hands. "I know this is hard for you" his focus returned to me. "But you can't just shut down."

I wasn't in the mood to argue. I stood up, walked over to him, and sat in his lap. I buried my face in his neck and cried silently. For a while we stayed like that. Harry cradled me and rocked me back and forth, cooing every so often. I think Harry is the only person who can baby me like this and I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I calmed down a bit, to the point where a could at least talk. Harry looked at me fervently. "Do you want to talk?"

I don't want to tell him about my feeling towards Zayn. What I need to do is talk to Zayn about this. About his feelings towards me. And about my feelings towards him.

"I'm just glad that I didn't lose him." I said.

******

I woke up in the same chair that I've been sitting in for the past five days. I grabbed my bag and went to the bathroom out in the hall. After I finished my morning routine, I went back into the room where I found Zayn wide awake, and upset that I wasn't in the room with him.

I rushed to his side and kissed his forehead. "Hey baby." I said while running my fingers through his messy bed head. "How do you feel?"

He smiled weakly. "I'm feeling great now that you're here." He paused. "How long did Harry stay?

"He left right after you fell asleep. I'm okay with being the only one here." I sat back down on the seat.

He nodded. "We haven't had much time to speak huh?"

I shook my head. "Not a single second. The nurse comes in and pumps you up with pain meds. You've been asleep for most of the time that I've been here. And when you're awake, it's like you aren't all there."

"I'm sorry." He tried to sit up.

I gently pushed him back down and raised his bed so that he was reclining instead of laying flat.

"It's okay Zaynikans. It gave me time to think."

He scrunched his nose. "About what?"

I scooted my chair closer to his bed and grabbed his hand in mine. "About you."

He laughed slightly. "I don't remember exactly everything that happened that night, but I do remember something in particular. Something I've wanted to do for a very long time."

"You kissed me-"

"And I'd do it again." He cut me off. "That was the only way I knew how to tell you."

"Well, you told me. And I don't know what to do."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you Zayn"

He shifted awkwardly in his bed. "Are you in love with me?"

I bit my lip. "Can I let you in on a little secret?"

He smiled and nodded his head excitedly.

"When we were little, I had the biggest crush on you." I blushed a tiny bit. "And when we were in high school, I had an even bigger crush on you. And if you would of told me in New York City that you were in love with me, I would have been head over heels in love with you too."

His face grew serious. "And now?"

"I would have to say that I'm in love with someone else. And it hurts me to say so because you always were my first love. I just wish you told me that I was also yours."

"If I could rewind time.."

We sat for a bit in silence.

"Do you think I have a chance?" He asked.

I didn't shake my head, or nod, or do any gesture that would answer his question. I smiled and kissed his forehead.

He reached up and held on to the nape of my neck, hovering my face over his. He slowly inched closer to my lips, tentatively watching my eyes for a sign to stop. I didn't give him one. He closed the small gap between us, kissing me softly. The feeling of his silky smooth lips on mine no longer felt foreign. It wasn't like kissing my own brother. It was like kissing 'Zayn'.

As the kiss progressed, I could feel the atmosphere around his name shift. Like it meant something new. And yet it had a meaning that felt like home. Like just that one syllable that was his name, when it was said out of my mouth, felt like it belonged there. It felt safe.

I knew what I was doing was completely reckless and stupid but the feeling of his lips on mine felt so intriguing, that turning away from it almost felt like a crime.

His tongue grazed my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I gave it to him hesitantly but was so glad I did because as he slipped his tongue inside my mouth, it was like I fell inlove with him all over again. Harder than the first. The way he was gentle with me like I could soon break into a million pieces, but in a way he was also forceful. Because he has been waiting so long for this moment. There was a sort of greedy taste in his mouth. A taste that suddenly told me to stop the kiss. It helped me realize that he wanted all of me, but not one part of me belonged to him in a sexual way. And that's the part of me he desires the most.

I pulled away from him. "That was ... completely wrong."

He nodded his head. "Yeah. Completely."

The nurse came in with another dosage of meds. Which means more sleepy Zayn and lonely Aaron.

******