" so... that means no coffee for me? "
KAORI was planning on doing what she does every single day. Until fireworks and a strange blackout brought her onto a place where she would have to play some twisted games to survive.
" i don't know who's in ch...
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LIFE HAD FELT LIKE HELL for the past two days. Every fiber of Kaori's body felt like it was being thrown into the fire, incessantly. Each breath was burning her throat —just like that cigarette she had been forced to smoke at a lame party when she was sixteen. For each step she took, she felt her body slowly disintegrating and she often stumbled, forced to stop her efforts to bask in nothingness.
Yet, even the nothingness felt like the most painful torture she would ever have to endure. The void inside of her was terribly deep and she witnessed herself sinking further, unable to see the end of this silent, but equally as loud, dark space.
When she had first seen people dying, she had caught a glimpse of this frightening thing, but now that Asuka was gone, Kaori realized she had only just scratched the surface.
She had always been aware that loss was a devastating thing, destroying lives with no mercy. She also knew it was a part of life, cruel but unevitable, and she simply wished to know how to get back up on her feet before losing herself forever.
She had thrown up almost every food she had eaten, her body refusing to keep inside whatever would help her stay alive as a taunting reminder that her life had cost more than she was ready to handle.
Sleeping had been out of the picture for two nights and she had found a refuge under a bridge, wondering if she would stay here until the expiration of her visa.
The thought of letting herself die would cross her mind at night, mostly. When the whole city was pitch black and the only sound was the wind blowing, making tree branches crack.
At least, it won't hurt anymore if I die. It's not like I have a lot of people to go home to. My life's useless. Maybe my dad's always been right when he said my job would never change the world. People can buy books anywhere, my store isn't special. I am not special... I've always wanted to write stories, publish my own books but... what for? What do I have to say that can't be said by someone else? Oh, hey, I killed my best friend to stay alive but my life's so boring I never even pictured using myself as an inspiration for a book character. Yeah, you heard that right, I'm so boring I don't even see the point of staying alive.
Sometimes, these heavy and dark thoughts would make her cry. She cried at how harsh she could be towards herself, yet, she knew, somewhere deep within, that a piece of her agreed with every negative thought. Or else, they wouldn't exist or they wouldn't make her sob as she was there, all alone, against the cold concrete, questioning everything about her life, the purpose of it, and if it was really worth it to get back up and fight.
But, eventually, Kaori's thoughts always circled back to Asuka's final words. Their goodbyes replayed in a loop, each time feeling like another stab right in the heart, her words echoing over and over again.
