Past and Present

Love and Photographs

When we woke up, I was lying on Carl's bare stomach and Beth and Lily were no where to be found.

I picked myself up, carefully as to not wake Carl. I walked out to Beth's tent and peeked inside.

She was lying on the ground with her head propped up on a pile of dirty clothes and her hair sprayed all around her.

I closed the flap and moved to Lily's tent. When I peeked inside, I didn't see a thing.

"Lily?" I whispered. No response.

I entered the tent and looked around. Lily was no where in sight.

I looked down and saw a sleeping bag on the floor that looked as if it had been slept in. I looked closer and saw a small slip of paper inside the folds.

It read,"I don't think that I fit in here. I took the liberty of allowing myself to leave. I know that I  disrupted so much of your life and I just want to say that I am sorry. Carl, I want to say that I am sorry for all that I did to you and Jocelyn and I don't even know where to start. I made a complete and utter fool of myself. I guess I just wanted something of my past and Carl fulfilled it. I want to let you guys that I am okay and don't come looking for me. All I did was bring you pain and suffering. That was wrong of me and I know when I'm not wanted. I know that you all have kind hearts and forgive me for saying this, but it will kill you in the end. I almost did that to you. But Beth aside, Carl and Jocelyn, you have so much love for each other. Don't lose that. ~Lily"

I read the note about two times and in my heart, I forgave her. Sure, she was like a wrecking ball in my life, but I was a sucker for someone who was truly sorry and knew when they did something wrong.

I waited until Beth and Carl were awake and showed it to them. As soon as Carl finished, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Don't worry, Lily. I won't"

I smiled and bowed my head down.

We packed up all of our supplies, which had gotten considerably smaller since no one had gone on a run lately.

Beth and Carl decided that they were going to go on a run while I stayed in the woods and guarded the things that we had left.

I refused, but they pulled a "majority rule" thing on me.

I sighed in defeat and kissed Carl and hugged Beth, "Be safe."

Carl laughed and Beth said, "We always are."

I had been sitting on top of the bags and staring at the sky when I heard a rustle in the bushes.

I jumped up and pulled the knife out of my boot.

"Joce!"

I looked closer into the woods and saw the light, slightly curled hair of Beth coming towards me. (Play song now)

"Joce! It's Carl! He was shot. He's losing a lot of blood."

I don't know what happened then. It was a humongous blur. All I know is that I was led through the woods and was stopped when I saw a dirty slump on the ground that had looked like the love of my life, but it couldn't be. It couldn't be because Carl was alive.

He was obnoxious, loud, loving, caring, moving, energetic, and most of all, alive.

I walked over to the still body and silently prayed that it wasn't him. That it was somebody else. That I didn't have to lose someone today.

I prayed that this was some kind of sick joke. That Carl and Beth would start laughing and I would be mad because it wasn't funny. Like that day in the woods.

Suddenly something clicked and I realized that this was not a joke. This was real.

I fell to my knees and picked his head off of the ground.

"Carl?" I said, shaking him,"Carl! Carl? This isn't a joke. CARL GRIMES! ANSWER ME THIS SECOND! IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

I was shaking him even harder now and he still wasn't getting up.

My head fell and I touched my forehead to his.

"Why does this keep happening? Why do you keep taking the ones that I love?"

I yelled to the heavens.

"WHY?!?"

Tears erupted from my eyes and fell down my cheeks to the dirt stained face of him.

I noticed that my hands were moving on their own. That my fingers were moving the ring around my finger. This was all that I had of him left.

I realized that that wasn't true and put my hand in my back pocket, pulling out a ripped picture.

It was of me and Carl. The day that he had been pulled out of the stimulation. Lori had taken it because she wanted to remember that day. She wanted to remember the love that Carl and I shared because she knew that nothing would separate us. She knew it. Forever and always.

Carl had a matching picture, which I happened to know was in his front pocket. Close to his chest. When I asked him, he said that I was in his heart and on top of it.

I couldn't look at him anymore. I looked at the blood stain that was covering his chest and the picture. I closed my eyes.

"I love you," I whispered.

I placed my hand on his chest and felt a small heart beat.

"Beth?" I questioned.

She had tears coming down her face, just like me.

"Yeah?"

I pressed my hand harder on Carl's chest and felt the small, steady beat again.

"Beth, he's still alive. I feel a heartbeat."

I looked around frantically,"We have to do something."

She jumped up without a hesitation and started doing whatever her father must have taught her in case of emergencies.

"Don't leave me, Carl,"I whispered,"I'm not ready. You cant leave me now."

I squeezed his hand and prayed.

The song in this chapter is Photograph by Ed Sheeran and I hope you guys like it as much as I do. ~Miki