Past and Present

Runs and Results

The weeks went on and I was getting nervous about the Carl situation.
Carl and I had promised to keep and eye out for pregnancy tests so that we could make sure that I wasn't.
We all knew very well what could happen when there are no doctors to deliver a baby. Lori made sure of that. The closest we had to a doctor was Carol.
"Carl," I said one night while we were laying in bed, hoping for sleep.
He turned over in the bed and looks at me.
I looked into his beautiful eyes and spoke,"I'm scared."
He came close to me and I could feel his bare chest through my shirt.
He lifted his hand and pushed my hair behind my ear.
"So am I. If you were pregnant and died, I would blame myself."
I put hand on top of his and said,"It wouldn't have been your fault. It would be both of our fault."
"But-" he tried.
"It takes two to tango, Carl."
He laughed and I snuggled closer to him.
Carl and I had our problems, but I knew that I would always be there for him and vice versa.
I lifted my hand and started to stroke Carl's hair. Slowly, his breathing slowed and his eyes fluttered closed.
I smiled and knew that he was at peace.
I turned over and lay there for the rest of the night, not sleeping a wink.

I got up super early the next morning because I was sick of laying in bed. I knew that I couldn't leave the house or else Carl would wake up and be worried.
I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed a piece of day old bread that Carol had made from scratch.
I sighed and walked outside into the cool air of the new morning.

Nothing.
No walkers. No people. Nothing.
The last couple of weeks had been too peaceful. I could seen it in Rick and Carl and even in myself.
We wanted to be back in the face of danger. Doing what we've been brought up to do.
Survive.
I felt a pair of arms come around my waist.
"Carl-"
"Shhh," he said soothingly.
We stood there, letting the air blow our hair behind us.
"Do you ever miss it?" I asked.
"Miss what?"
I shrugged and turned in his arms,"The walkers. Hiding from them. Feeling the rush of killing them."
Carl shrugged,"Sometimes. But other times, I think it's better for us to be living somewhere safe. Where the walkers can't get us. This house may be a hell to you and me, but it's a safe haven for Judy and Jacob."
I nodded and thought of my little brother.
He would grow up in this world. He would have to learn how to fight and survive. He wouldn't have the luxury that Carl and I had of knowing the world before it became cruel and a living nightmare. Neither would Judith.
"Hey, how bout we go on a run?" He asked me.
I nodded and we walked back to our room with our hands interlocked.
We changed into our nasty clothes that we use whenever we come in contact with walkers so Carol and Lori don't have to do more work than they already do when cleaning clothes.
Carl scribbled a quick note to his father and placed it on the table.

About an hour later, we were sitting under the shade of the trees to escape the scorching heat of Georgia, talking about how we missed the people we lost. When we started talking about Beth, I nearly lost it.
I couldn't handle how Lily had left the door open when she snuck out.
I couldn't stand how she was no longer here because of some stupid girl who
left a fucking door open.
"Joce?" Carl said.
"Hmmm," I responded.
He sighed,"It's time."
I turned with a look of confusion on my face.
I turned to see him holding a baby pink box.
A pregnancy test.
I stood up,"Where did you get that?"
He shrugged,"I passed by a run down drugstore yesterday when I went in a run with my dad and I found this."
He stood next to me and took my hand.
"Let's go."
When we walked into the prison, we were met by Lori, who was sitting in the living room, reading.
She smiled at us and didn't give us a second glance as we rushed by.
Carl passed me the box and I walked into the bathroom.
Who knew that a small box could be the answer to my whole future?

Carl's POV
I began to feel nervous as the tenth minute went by and Jocelyn was still in the bathroom.
I lifted my hand to knock, but the door came open.
She came into view and I couldn't tell if she was happy or sad about the results.
I don't know what I would do if the results were positive.
I couldn't lose her. I had tried being mad at her and shutting her out of my life and I almost went mad with frustration.
I couldn't lose her.
"Carl..." she said.
She looked at me with a smile.
"I'm not pregnant."
I stared at her and she started laughing.
I pulled her into a huge hug and kisses the side of her face.
"Oh my god," I said in between kisses.
"I love you."