Past and Present

Now or Never

The joy of knowing that I wasn't pregnant was just amazing.
I think that other people could tell that I was happier because whenever I would walk into a room, I would hear,"Here comes Little Miss Sunshine."
I couldn't care less on what they were saying about me because I wasn't pregnant.
I love Carl and all of that, but I wouldn't want to bring a happy, joyful baby into a place with so much hatred
and despair.
I walked into the kitchen where Carl was sitting.
His hair was messed up bad. He had severe case of bed head.
"Morning, Sunshine," he said.
I plopped down in the seat across from him and pulled a piece of bagel from him.
"Hey hey hey," he said,"Get your own."
I put the piece in my mouth and he laughed.
"You know what, Joce?"
"Hm?" I replied.
"I think we should run away?"
I choked on the bagel and spat it across the table.
It hit Carl and and he looked at me with disgust.
"That's disgusting," he said pushing his water towards me.
I took it and took a few sips before speaking.
"Are you being serious?"
He nodded,"Super serious. You said it the other day. You missed the outdoors. You missed the rush of killing walkers and I do too. My dad thinks that we're safe here, but look at what happened to Beth."
I flinched at the sound of her name, but he continued.
"Think of it. Me and you. Out there. Forever and always. Past and Present."
I thought about it.
"Carl, you're talking crazy. How are we going to leave Carol? Daryl? Your parents? My mom? Judith? Jacob? Maggie? Glenn? We can't leave them."
He put his hand on the table and took mine in his own.
"They will be fine. They do fine without us. We are eighteen. It doesn't even have to be a run away type thing. We can tell them and see what they think. C'mon Joce, it's now or never."
I looked at the table and then into his blue eyes,"Okay."

Later that day, we walked into the living room, where everyone was gathered and doing their own things.
"Mom," Carl said.
She looked up and then everybody else looked up.
I had noticed that Carl had a presence in the room.
His voice was so deep and it could catch the attention of anyone.
"Yes," she said, smiling.
"I just wanted to say that Jocelyn and I were going to leave and be on our own."
She just stared at us and stopped bouncing Judith.
I hadn't really noticed how big she had gotten.
"Yeah, we thought that since we're eighteen, we would have been moving out anyway, so we should do it now."
"Carl-" Rick started.
"I'm serious, Dad. I love her and she loves me and we're old enough."
Lori passed Judith to Maggie and stood up to face her son.
"Carl, people move out when they're eighteen in the real world, not in the zombie apocalypse. It would just be better if you stayed here with your family."
I took Carl's hand, ready to tell him that we should just stay here with them, but he continued to talk.
"But we can. We can leave and we would be fine. We've lived in this world for so long. We've grown up in this world. We know what we're doing."
My mother came up to me and whispered in my ear,"Are you sure that you want to go?"
I nodded,"We can do it, Mom. I know we can."
She nodded.
"I think we should let them go," my mother said.
"I do too," Daryl said and then Maggie and Glenn nodded.
Carl smiled.
Rick looked at everybody in the room and then at his son.
"What about you, Carol?" My mom asked.
"They're responsible kids and they take care of each other. I think they'll be fine."
Lori looked to Rick and then back at us.
"Okay. You can go. Under one condition."
Tears came into her eyes.
"You have to come visit. You have to come back and let us know if you're okay."
Both Carl and I nodded and each have Lori a hug.
She was taking this really hard.

Later that day, Carl and I gathered our weapons and were ready to go back to the woods.
The whole family came to say goodbye.
I gave Maggie and Carol a hug and then they moved to Carl.
When Lori and my mother came by, I started crying.
They were with Judith and Jacob.
"I'm going to miss you all so much," I said.
First, I gave Lori and Judith a hug and then I moved to my mom and brother.
Rick and Daryl came by next.
Rick made me promise that I would be safe. I agreed and hugged him.
Daryl pulled me into his chest and said,"I love you alright. I already lost a lot of people, but I'm not worried about losing you."
"I'll miss you too," I said.
Glenn and Carol wished us the best of luck and then Carl and I walked turned to the woods.
He grabbed my hand and turned to me.
"Ready?"
I turned back to the tearful family behind us and nodded.
"I'm ready."