Past and Present

You and Me

"What's that supposed to mean?" Carl asked with a look of sadness,"You wish that you never met me?"

"That's not what I said."

He tried to catch up with me,"But you implied it by saying that you wish that none of this happened. If this never happened, then we wouldn't have happened."

I stopped walking and let him catch up,"I just wish we could have met under different circumstances."

We walked the rest of the way to the local neighborhood in silence. When we got to the first house on the block, we stopped and knocked on the door.

Nobody answered.

Carl turned the door knob and it opened easily. I took my knife out of my boot and help it up. We walked into the house and looked around.

We didn't come across anybody on the first floor. As Carl went in the kitchen of the house, I turned and went up the stairs.

As I reached the top step, I noticed blood on the floor. I lifted the knife higher and continued to each of the room on the top floor.

The first room that I walked into had a large bed and clothes thrown all around it. The bed was made and the only thing on the wall was a message written in blood.

"In hell, we all will rot. Made the trip even easier. God forgive us."

I let out a large breath of air that I hadn't even realized that I was holding. I walked over to the closet and opened the door. Inside, there were three bodies.

I sighed and plunged my knife into each of their heads and turned to leave the room.  I closed the door behind me and walked to the next room. The room was a light blue and looked as if it had belonged to a girl my age.

I walked over to the mirror and took a good look at myself. The smile that I had worn only yesterday was gone. My hair was pulled back into a ponytail and my clothes were already dirty and bloody.

I turned and looked around the room. The girl had pictures all over her walls and shelves. Whether they were of what I thought were her friends or what looked like her family.

I heard a bang against one of the doors in the room. I walked over to it and placed my hand on the knob.

When I opened the door, a girl walker stumbled out. I gasped when I saw her.

She looked exactly like me. Her hair was the same exact brown that mine was and it was the exact waviness. If it weren't for all the rotting flesh, I could probably see that she was me.

I couldn't kill her. She was a look at what I would look like as a walker. I stuck out my foot and kicked her back into the bathroom and locked the door.

Carl came into the room as the walker on the other side of the door started to claw on it.

"What are you doing?" Carl asked as he glanced at the door.

"I locked it inside," I said,"It's not going to bother anyone."

There was no life in my voice. There was no reason to keep going on like I had the spirit to deal with what was going on in this world.

Carl stood there and stared at me. I walked past him and out the door of the house and headed back to our's.

I made it back to the house before Carl. I had already told my mom what we saw and gone to my room before Carl came back into the house. I lay on the bed and looked out the window.

Carl came up the stairs and sat on the bed next to me. He didn't say a word.

Hours passed and I hadn't moved from that spot. Eventually my mother called to us that  it was time for dinner. Carl asked me if I wanted to eat and I told him that I wasn't hungry.

"C'mon. All you had to eat today was an apple. Please come down and eat something."

I turned over to look at him and forced a smile,"I'm just not hungry, okay. I'm tired."

He leaned down and planted a kiss on my cheek and left. I turned over and stared out the window until I felt my eyelids become too heavy for me to keep them open.

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I was back in the house with the walker that looked like me.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

My voice sounded distant and not like mine.

"Exactly what what's going to happen to you." the walker replied.

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I jumped up and looked around.

The room was dark. Carl was fast asleep next to me.

My heart was beating fast. I grabbed my head and tried to get my thoughts straight, but I kept on hearing a voice.

"We're all going to rot in hell. Why don't you just end it now? Nobody wants you."

I looked over at the boy sleeping next to me and tried to forget the voice.

"You're wrong."

The voice responded,"No. you're wrong. You think that all the people in this house love you. It's not true. You're just another burden in this world. They don't need you. Why don't you just help them and disappear?"

I thought about it. I had had these thoughts before and I knew that the voice was right. There was no reason for me to  live here anymore.

"How?"

The voice laughed,"Figure it out."

I looked down at my boots and smiled. I lifted myself up carefully as to not wake Carl and made my way to the bathroom that was connected to the room.

I locked the door behind me and sat down on the floor. I pulled my knee up to my chest and pulled out a knife.

I bared my wrist and rested the shiny blade against it.

"I'm sorry,"I whispered as I tightened my clutch on the handle.

Suddenly, there was a bang on the bathroom door,"Joce, do you hear me?"

I didn't answer and he continued,"Joce, please. If you can hear me, answer."

I bit my lip,"What?"

My voice was choked up and tears were forming in my eyes.

He sighed in relief,"I know what your trying to do. Please don't. I knew that it was going to lead to this when you refused to do anything. This isn't going to make it any better. Ask Beth. She tried and guess what? She figured out that it doesn't help. The pain will still be there."

I held the knife where it lie and closed my eyes.

"Please. Open the door."