Past and Present

Suspicions and Love

Even though I had told Carl that I trusted him, I still couldn't help but have the feeling that he was cheating on me.
We had gone through so much together and it seemed almost foreign for me to not trust him, but his actions the other day justified my feelings.
I also kept my eyes on Lily. She always seemed to be giving me the death glare. Every time I saw her face, I couldn't help but laugh. The punch that I had landed on her face had left an ugly black and blue bruise.
I sat up from the sleeping bag from within the tent that I had shared with Carl.
Slowly, as to not wake the sleeping boy, I crept out and walked to the middle of the clearing where Beth was making good use of her time by cleaning the clothes that we had worn yesterday.
She smiled as I approached her. I grabbed the pair of boxers that had to belong to Carl and started to dunk them in the soapy water.
"Thank you," Beth said,"I know that I've done this for years, but you have no idea how awkward it is cleaning their underwear."
I laughed as I thought about Beth cleaning Daryl or Rick's underwear.
We continued to scrub the clothes and lay them on the nearby rocks.
"So how are you and Carl?" She asked me.
I shrugged and rung out Beth's shirt,"I don't know. I love him, but I don't think that we'd be good right now. I don't need any more negativity right now and the relationship between us is just bringing twice as more."
Beth nodded and continued to clean.
Eventually we finished and went our separate ways considering that it was still early.
We still needed to find the rest of the group and it would be 100% harder with Miss Prissy with us.
I walked back into the tent where Carl still lay, mouth hanging open and shirtless.
I looked at him with complete awe as I wondered how we all could find a way to look so peaceful while we were sleeping when the world was coming to an end around us.
I grabbed my book out of the corner of the tent and walked back out.
I took in a large breath of the morning air and sat down under a tree.
Opening my book, I looked down and began to read.

I hadn't been disturbed until I got about half way through the book.
"Hey Joce," Carl said as he came through the tent flap without his shirt.
I waved and bit my lip.
"What's the matter?" He asked me with a concerned note in his voice.
I shook the thought away from my mind,"Nothing."
He gave me a weird look, but turned back into the tent and when he reappeared, his hair looked flatter on his head and he was wearing a shirt.
"Babe, what are we going to do today? Are we going to go find the family?"
I scoffed,"Only if beauty queen gets up from her sleep."
Carl laughed and walked over to her tent.
"Lily," he hit the side of the tent,"Get your ass up."
She came out of the tent looking as if she had a wrestling match with a bird and had lost.
I let out a snort of laughter and covered my face with my book until Beth came over to me to say that we were going to be heading off.
I went over to the tent and helped Carl take it down and pack up all the other things that we would need for the search.
We loaded the bags onto our shoulders, while Lily didn't have anything at all.
We started walking just for the walk until Beth found a few footprints and claimed them to match a human shoe.
"I have to believe it's one if them," she whispered,"I have to."
As Beth walked ahead to keep up with the tracks, Lily followed, trying her best to stay as far as possibly away from me.
Carl was holding my hand but they were around my shoulder.
I had been thinking about it for a long time and I think now would be the perfect time.
"Carl?"
"Hmm?" He grunted.
I removed our interlocked hands from around my shoulder and broke the chain.
We both stopped walking and he looked at me.
"I'm breaking up with you," I started.
His eyes opened wide like he couldn't believe what I was saying. Then it turned into a smile.
"Nice one," he said as he tried to take my hand again.
I pulled back. I knew that the only way to make Carl believe me was to say the unthinkable.
"I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore."
I could see the pain come to his eyes as he listened to me speak.
"You will always be my family though," I said trying to keep the tears from coming to my eyes.
"You don't mean that," he said shaking his head.
"Yes, I do. I don't love you anymore." I said again trying to make myself believe it.
I tried to walk away from him because I couldn't stand to see him in pain because of me. Because I lied to him. Because I still love him.
He grabbed my arm and said ferociously,"Say it."
"What?"
He squeezed my arm harder and I let out a sigh of pain.
"Carl, you're hurting me." I said.
He didn't let go. Instead, he pulled me so that I was touching him. So that my hands were on his chest and the rest of our bodies were one. So that we were staring into each other's eyes.
"Say you don't love me," Carl growled,"Look me in the eyes and say it. Both times you've said it, you looked away. I want you to look me in the eyes and say it.
I let the tears fall down my face and onto Carl's shirt. I looked him the eyes and opened my mouth.
"I don't love you."

Let me know what y'all think. Btw, I published a new story called Once In A Blue Moon. Check it out and vote. 😘😘😘 Luv ya~Miki