Past and Present

Jocelyn and Lily

We sat next to each other in silence.

"Can I?" I asked.

Carl didn't even ask what I meant. He just stuck out his wrist.

I flipped his hand over to look at the space where most people cut. There were many places where there would be scars.

"Oh my God," I said through the tears that were forming in my eyes, "I'm so sorry."

He shushed me and shook his head, "You don't have to."

He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I didn't even try to pull away. I just held his wrist and looked at the small scars that were formed because of me.

He lifted my arm from my side and pulled back my shirt sleeve so that my scars could be seen.

"Look," he said with a small smile, "Now we match."

That comment just made me want to cry more.

"Why are you crying?" he asked me.

"You're making a joke about all of this. Carl... I love you and now I feel exactly what you were feeling when I was cutting. I had no idea. And if you weren't strong enough, you would have been dead and I don't know what I would have done."

He kissed my forehead, "You would have survived because you don't need me Jocelyn. You don't need me here to keep hurting you."

He turned to face the other direction. I sat up straight and put my hands on either side of his face, turning his head so that he faced me and heard me loud and clear when I said, "You mean the world to me."

I gave him a huge hug and I could feel the tears that were pouring onto my shoulder.

"Carl?" I heard,"Carl!"

Carl pulled away from me and groaned.

Lily came into the already filled tent and started to laugh, "I thought that I would find you here."

"Why are you in here?" I growled.

She snorted and looked at me with a smirk, "I came to get my boyfriend. Who always seems to be with you."

Carl whipped his head around, "What do you mean boyfriend? You mean he's in here? Ohmygosh, that's so embarrassing. Joce and I just had a heart to heart and he was in here. Damn."

I snorted as I tried to hold in my laughter. Lily thought that he was joking, but not in the way he actually was.

"Haha silly. I know that you want to spare her feelings, but she would have figured it out anyway. I mean she just did see you and I..."

She grabbed Carl's "pack" and laughed.

"What the hell?" he yelled as he jumped up.

"Oh don't pretend that you didn't like it. you let me do so much more than that in the tent."

Carl looked at her with a look of horror and I could feel my own cheeks flame with embarrassment.

"If you guys want to have this conversation, can you do it somewhere else?" I said.

Beth came into the room and saw Carl with only his pants on and Lily with her tank top and underwear.

"What is going on in here?" she asked.

Carl opened his mouth, but Lily jumped in, "I was with Carl and Jocelyn came in and started yapping about how Carl was supposed to be with her. Then Carl took pity on her and took after her. I came in here and they were cuddling."

Beth looked at me and then Carl,"What happened with you two?"

"I broke up with him. He's allowed to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants. I was wrong to barge in on them."

I turned to Carl,"Go on. I'm okay. Okay?"

He looked at me like he was ready to start punching something, "What is the matter with you?"

"What?"

"Stop acting like that!" he screamed.

I gave him and innocent look, "Like what?"

"Like what happened between us didn't matter. Like you don't love me. Like what had gone on with us didn't matter. Don't you remember? I promised you. Forever and always."

He grabbed my hand from my side and started turning his mother's ring around my finger,"Does this mean anything to you?"

I didn't answer.

He pulled me closer and his voice changed into a growl, "Does it mean anything to you?"

My walls fell and the river of tears came running down, "Of course it does. Why do you think I didn't give it back? I love you so much that it hurts, Carl. You know that. I've loved you for so long and you know that. You know that this ring means absolutely everything to me. It's the reason that I was able to survive all of this. This is how I survived being without you. Because I was always with you."

I started to hit him and he just stood there as if I had no effect on him. With each punch, I spoke, "You know that. How dare you ask me a question like that?"

I collapsed onto the floor, surrounded by my tears.

"Drama queen," Lily muttered.

I jumped up and tackled her to the ground and held her throat against it, "One more word and I will kill you."

"Let her go," Beth and Carl both begged as I kept eye contact with her.

I felt hands around my waist and I was pulled against Carl's hard, muscular chest. I sobbed without a care in the world.

Beth spoke, "There seems to be only one thing that can resolve all of this. Carl, you seem to be the middle man here. Which one do you love? Jocelyn or Lily?"

Carl looked at me and then Lily.

"Jocelyn. I promised, forever and always. Past and Present ."