𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒, james potter

41. because i love you

NESRIN IS STUPID.

She is foolish. She is an idiot. She is half-witted, moronic, and cretinous.

She hates herself for what she did.

James is still with Lily. It doesn't matter what they had before. It doesn't matter what they have now. Not when someone else is involved and not when she's risking James's safety.

She can live without him. She will live without him.

This is what she's repeating to herself as she closes her eyes and leans her head against one of the shelves in the library. Madam Pince left a few moments ago because she got an urgent letter from Professor McGonagall about Peeves, so she left the keys in Nesrin's hands to lock up once she's done with her Care for Magical Creatures assignment.

Currently, she's the only one there, and she has no motivation to pick up the questions she left off on.

No matter what she does, no matter how many times she pinches herself until her skin is red or screams into her pillow, she cannot stop thinking of James Potter.

His lips. His touch. His smile. His dimples. His laugh.

How did she ever think she could ever get over him?

There is no getting over James Potter. No even getting close to it. She loves him, and nothing she does can change that. Even in fifty years, when he is married to a beautiful woman who will care for him and keep his heart safe, she will still love him.

But maybe by then, she will be able to live with the pain of loving someone she can't have.

She takes in a deep breath, pushes off the shelf, and starts to head back to the table she was sitting at.

However, just as she turns, a figure appears before her. Her eyes widen as she takes a step back, startled. She loses her footing, and her body twists.

She would have fallen had James not been there. His arms reach out to grab her upper arms, steadying her. Her heart pounds in her chest, feeling his hands on her.

She pulls away from him and clears her throat. Her face warms.

"Thank you," she mumbles softly.

He says nothing. He just stares at her with a light frown on his face.

It's been a couple of days since the kiss. Nesrin has been avoiding James like the plague ever since.

Even now, this is what she does. She turns with the intention of grabbing her things and going back to her dorm to study, but James catches her wrist in his palm before she has the chance to take even a step. He steps in front of her and lets go of her hand.

"We need to talk," he says.

She shakes her head, taking a step back from him. "We don't. We shouldn't have done that."

A muscle in his jaw twitches. "Nesrin, I want to be with you."

She sucks in a breath, her heart thumping wildly against her chest.

No, no, no, no, no.

"I...James, we can't. You're with Lily, and—"

"I broke up with her before we even kissed," he states simply.

Her eyes widen. What?

"But...what..." she trails off, not being able to comprehend what he just said.

He lets out an exhausted sigh, running his hands down over his face.

"Nes," he breathes, stepping closer to her. "I have been trying my fucking hardest to let go of you. To stop thinking about you every second of every day, but I can't. You engraved into me, and you're the only thing I want. And from the other day, I could tell that you—"

"No," Nesrin cuts him off. "We can't be together."

"Why not?" he demands, his expression twisting into a frown.

She stays quiet. She isn't sure what to tell him.

He exhales in frustration. "Fuck, Nesrin. Why can't we—"

Nesrin knows she will regret what is about to come out of her mouth. But in her growing frustration, she can't control herself.

"Because I love you!" she screams.

James takes a step back in shock. His eyes widen, his lips part. He stares at her as if he's just seen a ghost. He can't even open his mouth to reply.

Nesrin swallows, closing her eyes and taking a shaky breath before opening them again.

Her voice gets quiet.

"It is because I love you that we can't be together."

Even when she turns around and walks away, James still can't bring himself to say anything. He's in too much shock that, after a year and a half, she finally said the words.

Nesrin is in equal shock as she walks back to her dorm. She knows her words are going to be thrown back in her face, but for a moment, she can't find it in herself to care.

She's halfway back to the common rooms when she hears a muffled sound coming from the bathrooms. It sounds a lot like sobs.

She's about to walk away and mind her own business when she realizes with a start that it is Lily Evans. Lily is hunched over a sink, her head in her hands.

Nesrin wants to ignore it. She wants to walk away and pretend she never saw Lily.

But she can't. The guilt weighs too heavy on her shoulders.

She walks into the bathroom and places her hand on Lily's shoulder.

Lily seems to not realize until she looks up, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Nesrin," she croaks. "I'm sorry, I don't..."

Nesrin shakes her head. "It's alright. Just let it out."

It may have been five minutes or thirty minutes when Lily finally stops crying. Nesrin can't quite tell.

"I'm sorry," Lily says.

"You don't have to apologize," Nesrin says softly. "Will you be alright?"

The redhead nods and offers a weak smile. "Yes. Or, I think so. It's just that this is my first real breakup. I'm not exactly sure what to do about myself now."

Nesrin's heart somersaults. She stays silent but offers Lily a hug.

How many more people will she hurt by her actions?

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !

i promise you don't have to wait too much longer for them to get together...

also only one more week until the new lewis capaldi album!!!! ahhh i've been waiting literally forever