𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒, james potter

52. i've got a lot to live without

NESRIN IS NUMB.

She constantly feels as if someone is ripping out her insides and tearing out every single piece of her. It is an excruciating kind of pain that she has never felt before.

In the week since getting back from the cave, she blacked out.

She has no motivation to do anything, feels no reason or purpose anymore. Losing a sibling is already difficult on its own, but losing a twin?

It feels like losing half of herself.

She and Idris have been through so much. There has never been a moment when he didn't stand up for her or make her feel cared about.

She took him for granted, and she hates herself for it.

She hates that she thought he was working more closely with Voldemort, and she hates that she believed him to be evil for so long.

He wasn't.

He wasn't anything close to it.

And now he's gone and Nesrin hates herself and things will never be okay again.

Things will never be the same.

She will never hear her brother's laugh again. She will never hear him yelling at her or see him rolling his eyes. She will never be on the receiving end of his smile, and she will never get to feel his arms around her ever again.

James and Regulus have been nothing but supportive. They offer her kind words and comfort. James holds her tighter when they fall asleep together. Regulus sits with her in comforting silence when they are studying together. They are with her any chance they get, and Nesrin is forever grateful to them.

But it isn't enough to get her mind off Idris.

She can't help feeling angry at him. Angry for getting in the way when everyone would have been better off if it had been her Voldemort had hit. He would still be alive if it wasn't for her, and she is painfully angry at him for loving her so much.

But slowly, that anger fades.

Because how are you supposed to stay mad at the person who is no longer in this world because they loved you enough to save you?

The following week after Idris's death has been hectic, to say the least.

When she, James, and Regulus got back from the cave, Dumbledore was quickly informed and then the news spread like wildfire.

Voldemort is gone.

A selfish part of Nesrin knows that she would never have retrieved that locket and would resurrect Voldemort in a heartbeat if it meant she could bring Idris back.

Soon enough, the entire wizarding world was aware of the news. Nesrin, James, and Regulus were celebrated and rewarded by the Minister of Magic.

How easily Nesrin would give it all up for just one more moment with her brother.

All the death eaters and others associated with Voldemort have either fled or have been detained in Azkaban. Nesrin's parents have been caught, and she feels nothing but relief that she won't ever have to see them again.

She also feels saddened by the fact that they won't be at Idris's funeral, and they were the only people apart from her who really knew him.

No one knows about Idris's death.

At least not yet.

Nesrin doesn't want all of their "friends" to make this about themselves and draw attention away from Idris and the sacrifice he made.