Verdant

I don't want to be alone

I gently put my hands on his chest and pushed away from him looking to the side.finally breaking away from him with a shaky breath

"I...I don't want to leave, but I can't stay here with you here anymore." It sounded like I was lying to myself as I squinted my eyes distastefully at myself. Pursing my lips slightly.

"Why...?" His voice was soft and stern trying to close the gap between us again.

I looked back up at him. He was serious, he's not joking this time. He actually...really meant it, but why did he do that? He said he was sorry? Sorry for something else or stealing a kiss? I couldn't understand when all of these emotions had even formed between us. It felt like they'd been there the whole time and I refused to believe it but...it felt like it was something beyond even that. It doesn't add up. I'm not like this.

"I..." I looked away until I built up the courage to look him in the eyes. "I don't want to be alone again, but...but if I find someone...I just don't understand. Everyone avoids me like I'm the plague. Like I'm some kind of monster only they can see. I hurt you and you continue to peruse me. To stay with me despite me treating you less than an equal. You're so positive, but I can't help thinking it's all fake. That you're going to betray me or even fear me like everyone else. Without any explanation. I can't do it. You're just a distraction. I can't...I can't know if you...if you're just like everyone else!" I yelled.

He looked mildly surprised but then reverted to an apologetic look. He pulled me in close again and put my head on his shoulder wrapping his hand over my head and the other around my back.

"You really haven't changed..." He spoke where I could barely hear.

Barely changed? What was he talking about?

"Please don't cry. I promise I'll protect you, I promise I won't leave. Never again." He spoke softly into my ear. "But please...don't let me lose you. Not now."

He can't be serious, he...he's just lying right? He's only known me a few days, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's just a stranger to me. He's just blindly trusting me. Why is he referring to me like we know each other so damn well?! I barely know this guy yet he seems to already trust me with everything. He's making me lose sight of things. Making me cry for no apparent reason. Making me feel guilty for leaving. Making me feel all these emotions I shouldn't.

"Stop it..." I said softly with a teared voice. "I...I don't even know you...you can't be serious." I sounded a bit testy.

I don't want this...I can't have someone I'm just going to lose again. People like me...they don't get people. I have to live in isolation. That's how I've always lived, the only way I know how. To shield your heart to stay alive. You can't trust someone you just met. You can't develop feelings for anyone in any way. All they do is die and leave you shattered. They distract you, get you or themselves killed. My only friends have. I can't let it keep happening. So why is it I've developed such strong feelings toward him? It's not like he was ever trying to impress me or really even flirt with me. He was just him. I've treated him like he's beneath me most of the time and yet he refused to leave me and I refused to let him go. Why is this bothering me so damn much!

"I just don't understand." He spoke up. "Why...why don't you remember me Skyler Acost...I thought maybe if I stuck around you'd finally..." His voice cracked slightly as he spoke like he was about to burst into tears.

"But you...you're wrong!" I detested leaving him with a look of shock as I pushed away wide eyed. "I...I don't have a last name, you're making things up..." I frantically spoke puzzled and in a quieter tone, looking down at his chest in disbelief.