Lost Soul

This love's good, this love's bad

Harry had begun to notice Louis' interest to mirrors after seeing Louis admiring his own reflection that night. The short but deeply meaningful glances he throws at his reflection in the mirror at any moment... Yes. Louis was quite handsome and attractive, but was it normal for him to admire himself in the mirror? He had no idea. He wanted to bring this matter up to Louis, but he couldn't. He wouldn't.

He would just enjoy the moment. He was lying on the grass with Louis under a sky full of stars. Louis was caressing his hair and awarding Harry with small kisses from time to time. Harry lay with his head on Louis' chest. That was all he cared about right now... What could be better? Could there be anything better to feel this moment than to record it in all its details in his mind?

Lying with Louis, he felt things he had never felt before. Louis was making him feel safe... He wasn't trying to understand Louis anymore either. Louis was different from everyone else. Sometimes God, sometimes the devil... Both and neither...

"I saw a shooting star," said Louis, touching gently Harry's back. "Make a wish."

"No need," muttered Harry. "I have everything I need when I'm in your arms."

"Does that mean you love me?"

"Maybe it does"

There was a long silence between them.

"You? Do you like me?"

"No," Louis answered.

"Well... uhm I-"

"By the light of the moon that penetrating my soul, illuminates the dark night and knows all my secrets, I swear my heart is entirely yours."

Harry opened his mouth, but could not speak. Anything he could give against those words sounded insufficient. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him. It was the sweetest thing he could hear... His brain had stopped working, giving up all control to his wildly beating heart.

"I don't like you, Harry. My feelings for you are not that simple... No, no... The first time I saw you I realized that you are the one I love and wait for... I wanted so much to be with you. But I couldn't find the strength to come and talk to you. All I could do was watch you slowly walk away from me. And I realized in that moment that you walking away from me is the worst torture anyone can do to me..." Louis ran his hand over Harry's cheek, caressing. "I know I scare you sometimes. What I don't know is one thing... Do you really love me? Do you love my money and fame like the others, or do you love my soul like Dorian?"

Hearing Dorian's name took Harry's breath away. Who was Dorian? Had he felt that way with Louis, too? Had Louis said such words to him too? What had happened to him?

"I'm not like Dorian, Louis. But I don't want your money or fame. All I want is you."

"Are you sure, Harry? Are you really sure you can love me? Can you love someone like me who lives in his palace where he puts his life at the top? My feelings... Well my feelings are very complex. If I get angry, I lose my temper, I can't see the truth. I don't want to leave my loved one for a moment. can't share them with anyone. I just want them to be mine. Only mine... I'm afraid that my love will be too much for you. Even if some things get too much for you, I don't notice it. I don't care if I realize it or not. Even for a moment I don't stop and think. I forget your feelings. I'll hurt you. Do you think you can handle this?"

Harry paused. No he wasn't. And he wasn't at all. But he also knew there was no escape. He had fallen in love once. His heart had taken control. There was no escape. Louis wouldn't have set him free anyway. He always knew deep down that this would happen. When he first saw Louis, the torch in Eros's hand caught fire. He couldn't just go out and put out this fire. The only person who could prevent this fire from burning him down was Louis. It was Louis' eyes that made the sky jealous... These eyes were his only shelter.