Lost Soul

So Pretend

Midnight.

It was nice to lie on the sand by the sea while the moon and stars dominated the sky. It was amazing to do that with Louis Tomlinson. It might even have been perfect. Unfortunately, the questions that had kept Harry awake for days were preventing everything from being perfect. His conversation with the waitress, Louis' behavior... He was back where it all started. To that exhausting question.

Does he love me?

It was the cruelest question one could ask oneself. And unfortunately the answer was nearly impossible to find.

Did he ever love me half as much as he loved that damn mirror?

He had given up everything he had to have Louis. He had given up his soul for Louis. But even that wasn't enough.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Louis.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking."

"I want to know what you're thinking."

"Why don't you love me?"

"I love you, baby." said Louis, with eyes that showed he didn't understand anything.

"Yes, yes you do. You're right, I'm sorry."

"I really don't understand what's going on with you."

You are not trying to understand.

"Me too."

"I'm worried about you," said Louis.

"I'm worried too." For the first time in his life, he was tired of acting, tired of the lies. He really wanted to feel loved. He wanted to be loved as Harry not Dorian. Harry wanted Louis to fall in love with the truth, not the lies.

"Sometimes I think you're starting to lose your mind."

How cruel his words were.

"I'm just adjusting to you."

"I can't find a good reason why I shouldn't leave you here and go home."

"Just go. Get yourself another mirror. You'll never be lonely."

"What mirror? What the fuck are you talking about? I really don't understand."

Did he forget? The mirror, his reflection, his efforts to transform Harry into Dorian... Did he forget all that happened? Could his mind have betrayed him like that? Could he forget the facts?

"Where did we meet, Louis?"

"After a performance at school. I just walked home with you."

School?

"How old were you back then?"

"Why do you ask such stupid questions, my love? You were there too. I was about to turn 18."

Harry felt his heart constrict with fear. Has Dorian been in Louis' life this long?

"I remember our first date, it was very nice," lied Harry. He wanted to learn everything.

"Oh yes, it was really nice. I asked my father for his boat. I didn't expect him to come all of a sudden. He looked like he saw a ghost when he saw us, it was hilarious."

He looked that way because your date was with yourself. Not with anyone else, Harry thought. Putting himself in Louis' father's shoes terrified him. It scared him so much but he couldn't hurt Louis now. He had to keep acting. He couldn't break Louis' heart. Not now.

Harry felt his heart constrict with fear. Has Dorian been in Louis' life this long?

"I was so embarrassed at that moment," muttered Harry. "Still, it was beautiful."

“I was embarrassed too,” Louis smiled. "But everything was so beautiful. It's so nice to be with you. I love you so much."