Lost Soul

This love is tainted

Have you ever wanted to run away?

Harry wanted to run away. He wanted to leave this room, this house, this city, this life, even this body. Never to come back.

He felt like he didn't belong anywhere. He didn't want to talk to anyone. In fact, he didn't want to do anything. All he wanted was to go. To go without looking back, without thinking about what might happen. Not to be afraid. Not to feel strange.

But what could he do? Was it that easy to escape? Leaving everything you have, all your loved ones... Where would he go even if he dared to run away? Could he leave the man he loved? Could he forget him even if he left? Could he give up his last name and the fame that being with Louis had brought him?

If he didn't escape, could he continue to live this life? Could he go on in a life he didn't belong to? Did he want to continue? Did he want to be Dorian?

He looked at Louis, who was sleeping peacefully beside him. How could he sleep like that? Wasn't he feeling bad for the things going on? He probably wasn't. All this was his wish. But was Louis doing all this on purpose? Their conversation was starting to make Harry quite uncomfortable. It was as if Louis had forgotten that this was nothing more than a game. He had completely forgotten the difference between Harry and Dorian.

Harry wanted to stay by his side, to help him. But he didn't have the slightest idea how to do it. He wanted to show Louis the truth. Look Louis, he wanted to say I'm with you, I love you. I'm Harry... And he wanted to say I'm so happy with you. But how? Was there any way to get Dorian out of Louis' head, to prove to Louis that Dorian isn't real?

Could a psychiatrist help him? Would he accept this help? Harry didn't know. He was determined to bring this matter up to Louis. But how? He didn't know that either.

He would never leave Louis like this. He couldn't leave Louis' love. Such great loves rarely warmed people's hearts. He couldn't leave it. He couldn't cool his heart. He didn't want this.

He ran his fingers through Louis' hair. With his silky hair, flawless voice, and smile that lights up the world, Louis was an angel. When he awoke, everything changed. With his indecisiveness, his stubbornness, his obsession with Dorian, he was a demon. And when he put everything aside and loved Harry, he was a god. Harry's god.

Louis was his god, this bed was his temple. And he was acting like a devil concocting ugly ideas in his mind. He was talking about leaving his god, betraying him. Acting like a traitor. Was it right? What about this living? Was it right what he lived? Was it right for him to treat himself this way? He didn't know.

All he knew was that he wasn't feeling well. He was torn between running away and being in the arms of his loved one. And this was hell, a pit of dilemma. He was on fire, his soul was heavy on him. The breaths he took were not enough to fill his lungs. He felt like his head was going to burst. He really wanted to die right now. To die in Louis' arms. He couldn't take this life any longer. He didn't want to think any more, he didn't want to make decisions, he didn't want to take responsibility. He didn't want anything.

"Why are you awake baby?" He shivered when he met the blue eyes. Louis straightened slightly and kissed Harry. Could Harry leave this?

"Are you okay, love?" Louis asked before kissing him again.

"There are some things I want to talk to you about, Louis.They make me very uncomfortable."

"Tell me, baby."

Harry looked at Louis uneasily. It was not good.

"Louis... I think-"

"Tell me now, my angel."

"We're doing a lot of wrong things." He couldn't look at Louis right now. If he looked at him, he would never be able to say what he wanted to say.

"What are we doing wrong?"

"Everything. Louis everything is so wrong."

"I don't understand what you want me to do." said Louis. His eyebrows were furrowed, it was obvious that he did not understand what was happening.

"A psychiatrist."

"What happened to the psychiatrists?"

"You need to talk with one of them, Louis. You need this."

Louis backed away, as if he had heard the heaviest insult in this world. He swept his astonished gaze across Harry's face.

"W-what are you saying Harry?"

"Louis, please don't be mad at me, but you need this."

"What are you talking about!" cried Louis. "How can you talk like that in my house, in my bed? When everything is perfect, you made love to me a few hours ago, and now you're implying that I'm crazy? Shall I tell you something? If you're looking for a problem in this relationship, look in the fucking mirror."

"Louis... Why are you doing this? I'm just trying to help." said Harry through tears. He ruined everything. With just a few words... He had just let everything beautiful slip away from him because of a silly thought that made in his mind.

"If I'm bothering you so much, get out and go, Harry. No one's holding you back!"

And the magic's gone.

Everything was ruined.

This love was destroyed, and Harry was left alone under the rubble of his love

Sadness had seeped in through the window, and love had quietly left the room.