Lost Soul

I'm just like you

Harry opened his eyes, feeling Louis' fingers in his hair. It was his favorite way to wake up.

"Good morning, love." Louis said just before kissing him softly. Harry clutched his face to pull the man he loved closer to him.

"Louis, are you sick?" he asked, looking worried. "You have fever."

"Don't be ridiculous, I don't get sick."

Harry rolled his eyes. He would be surprised if one of Louis' actions was normal.

"Are you an alien, Lou? Everyone gets sick."

"I do not," murmured Louis. He didn't want to show any signs of weakness. He didn't want to be weak in the eyes of Harry.

"Well, you're not sick, but you still lie down and rest. I'll make you some soup, okay?"

Louis was also aware that he was sick, and it was impossible for him to turn down the offer as his love looked at him with innocent eyes.

"Okay, baby."

Harry kissed the corner of Louis's lips, not trying to hide the happiness he felt at the answer.

"I'll get your soup ready and come to you, sir."

"Sir? You should use that word more often in our bedroom" Louis said to him, but Harry had already left the room with a mischievous smile.

Harry felt like he was in a hole. Everything was meaningless, everywhere was suffocating. He thought that he would never be able to fill the void inside his heart, which was shattered into a thousand pieces. One simple word had ruined everything. Harry didn't want to talk anymore. He couldn't talk to anyone... Talking scared him.

His life before he met Louis was a disgrace. He was not loved. He was a lonely teenager who felt that life was not worth living.

After meeting Louis, everything changed. A flower of love had sprouted in his heart, rooted in his soul. He was filled with the desire to live forever with the one he loved.

And now he had lost it. He had lost the love of his life, the man who had his soul and heart. A poorly thought-out sentence had finished it all.

I wonder what Louis is doing right now, Harry thought. He couldn't help but think. He probably hadn't even noticed Harry's departure. Harry looked at the clock. At this time, Louis would be in the garden smoking and drinking coffee. He was probably in peace. He was enjoying the silence in the house. He wasn't even thinking about Harry. Maybe he even forgot about Harry.

He was shaken by the pain of being forgotten. Another tear fell from his eyes, red from crying. He couldn't stand it. He didn't know how to heal. He had no one to hold on to.

He wanted to run to Louis. He wanted to go home, hug Louis. He wanted to feel forgiven. He needed the peace that forgiveness would bring. He needed to be loved by Louis.

Yes, he wanted to go home, but not as Dorian. He was tired of being Dorian. Besides, Dorian was confusing him and he was making mistakes when he was confused. Unforgivable mistakes...

His loneliness was fatal. He needed someone to look into his eyes with compassion. He just wanted someone to remind him that everything could be okay. Someone to remind him of Louis...

Silently dripping from his eyes, wet his pillow, he thought of the owner of the restaurant Louis had taken him to. He could talk to that woman, maybe ask her for help. "I'm a ship caught in a storm, ma'am," he might say. He was free to say, "I'm a pitiful one with no branches to hold on to." Yes, he was going to talk to that woman. He would go to the restaurant he once went to with Louis, now alone. As a body that has lost its soul...

He had a hard time finding the restaurant, probably because he had watched Louis, not the road, when they first went. He could not stand it for a moment and stopped his car in the middle of the forest, sobbing, afraid that he was lost. He thought that if Louis was next to me, I wouldn't cry. "You wouldn't be lost if you had Louis by your side," replied the voice inside him.

Everything was as he remembered it, but everything had changed a lot. He approached the table where Louis was sitting with timid steps. He waited silently, perhaps because he was ashamed to be there. He didn't look up when he heard footsteps approaching him and when the woman sits in front of him.

"Welcome, Dorian."

"Harry." he corrected, trembling. Harry. His name was Harry.

Harry couldn't understand the expression on the woman's face. At first the woman seemed like a victor, and then her eyes were filled with sadness.

"So you remember who you are."

"No," said Harry, shaking his head. "I forgot myself. I lost my soul. I lost everything."

"To find something, first lose it. One must forget in order to remember.”

“What am I going to do?” Harry asked.

"You will forget."

"I can't forget Louis."

"Louis will forget you. You will be no more than a side character in his life—in his movie—in the future."

Harry raised his timid eyes.

"How would you know?"

A wry smile appeared on the woman's face.

"Will you let me help you if I tell you who I am?"

"I'm all alone. I really need your help."

The woman's eyes were filling with tears.

"My name is Jay. I'm Louis' mother."

Harry's eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't reacted. He was out of breath.

And now the only thing that dominated the restaurant was sadness.

Two soulless bodies that Louis had left behind came face to face. Both were silent. They knew they had reached a point where words were useless.

They could communicate with their eyes. They could understand each other. No one else could be like them. No one else was as broken as them.