lover • josh allen

003

DENIAL

"and i'll be in denial for at least a little while. what about the plans we made?"

september 11, 2022
📍DALLAS, TX

the cowboys had a three to nothing lead at the beginning of the first quarter, since then, no points have been scored by dallas.

during the fourth quarter, dak got injured i can't really tell what happened, but i'm pretty sure it's his thumb.

i could tell the team was upset after the game, rightfully so, no one wants to start the season 0-1 but there are so many games left.

i left the stadium and took an uber back to dak's place. i know that trevon was supposed to come over after the game, but i don't know if he will now.

i drove there slowly, because i couldn't get in the house without a key. once i pulled up, thankfully dak and liza were already there.

i got out of the uber and made my way inside. when i got in there, dak and liza weren't in the living room, instead, trevon and stefon were.

"stef?" i ask wondering why he's here. "what are you doing here?" he asks.

"we need to talk, el." stefon says motioning for me to come sit down.

i sit down across from them on the love seat in the corner of the living room.

they both had sad expressions on their faces which isn't like them, at all. "what's going on?" i say looking between the two nervously.

you know when the day starts out super sunny and then later in the day it gets cloudy and dark because it's about to rain? that's exactly what i feel right now.

"what is it?" i say again. my mind can only think of horrible scenarios. "spit it out." i say.

"call mom." trevon says, i furrow my eyebrows, not knowing what he means. the pair leaves the room and i call my mom.

"hey mom." i say once she answers the phone. i'm confused as to why i'm doing this, but it's my mom so i'm not going to be mad about talking to her.

"i have something to tell you my sweet girl." she says. i can tell something is wrong by the way she's talking.

"what is it mom?" i ask. it's most likely the same thing stefon and trevon were talking to me about.

"i have cancer." she says. those 3 words were the 3 words i never wanted to hear come from my mother's mouth.

"no." i say shaking my head, tears beginning to overflow from the rim of my eyes like a waterfall.

"i didn't catch it early enough, baby." she says. "i was told i only have 6-9 months." she states.

"mom, no." i say. "what about dad? what about stefon and trevon? what about me mom?" i say, my words coming out shaky.

"your father and i are going to be living in buffalo until, until." she says, i know what word she's going to say but i don't want her to say it because that makes it real. "until i pass away." she says.

"no mom, that won't happen." i say, shaking my head. i can't admit that she won't be here much longer, i won't.

"i'll give you some time, ok?" she says. i know she can't see me, but i nod anyway. "i love you so much my sweet girl." she says.

"i love you too, mom. so much." i say. she hangs up the phone and i put my head in my hands. the tears spill out of my eyes and create a pool of tears in my hands.

i stop crying. i wipe my eyes and wait for stefon and trevon walk back in the room. "i'm so sorry, el." stefon says walking over to me.

"sorry about what?" i ask. i don't want to think or talk about mom, so my best plan is to pretend i don't know.

stefon and trevon share a look. "nothing." trevon says.

"so what did you guys want me to talk about?" i ask.

"nothing." stefon says. i walk upstairs to the guest room and pack up my things.

my flight leaves tonight around midnight so i have to leave here around ten.

•

i say my goodbyes to dak, liza, stefon, and trevon. stef's flights leaves tomorrow. i take an uber to the airport and sit down at my gate.

i hope i don't look like i'm falling apart, because i know that i am. but that doesn't matter. all that matters is that other people don't know i'm falling apart.

i put my headphones on and usually i would read but i don't want to. my mom bought me my book and i'm not trying to break down in an airport right now.

so i sit there, listening to the tune of the music. it feels weird to be listening to happy music right now when i feel nowhere near happy.

once i board the plane, i realized the higher ups above know i'm having a bad day and gave me the whole row to myself.

i close my eyes and drift off the sleep. i needed to turn my brain off and this is the only way to do it.

i think the hardest thing about life is trying to stay strong when you can feel yourself falling apart.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

i'm not sure what to put here after that depressing chapter 😭😭😭

if you are a binge reader, i have some other wattpads you could read that are completed

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burning red • joe burrow
watching you • joe burrow
heart of glass • joe burrow
nfl imagines • multi