lover • josh allen

013

MS. INDEPENDENT

"she got her own thing, that's why i love her, miss independent."

october 23, 2022
📍CINCINNATI, OHIO

today i am reporting on the cincinnati vs atlanta game here in cinci. i arrived at the stadium and have to navigate through the busy stadium to the press box.

i'm wearing my causal slacks and blouse, i chose to wear a blazer as well today.

i don't have to write a report on the game, instead at the end of the game i have to interview 2 players.

i'm not sure which two player they are, but i will get told towards the end of the game when a clear winner is in sight.

they give me the 2 best play makers of the game, not the quarterback, usually they are receivers or running backs. once in a blue moon, i get a defensive player.

the final game score was an absolute blow out, 35-17 cincinnati. i was told i had to interview tyler boyd, who is a friend of mine, and jamar chase, another friend of mine.

i grab the microphone and walk over to the pair, who is already waiting for me. i stand between the two and look at the notes i have prepared.

"tyler, you had a 60 yard pass from joe to open up the game for a touchdown, scoring at the beginning of the game, did that set the tone?" i ask.

"i would say so, yes." tyler replies. it's kind of annoying that i was chosen to interview the two players on this team that give the smallest answers.

"jamar, you had a 32 yard pass and a 41 yard pass for touchdowns both in the second quarter, do you think that those deep balls really got the team going today?" i ask.

"yeah, i mean joe really be throwing dimes and you know, us receivers are just down there to catch 'em whether it's me, tee, or tyler so yeah." jamar says.

the producer signals that i'm off air. "congratulations." i say to the pair before i hand the microphone back to the producer.

i can feel my phone ringing in my pocket, but i can't answer it right now so i make a mental note to call whoever it was back when i get back to my hotel room.

my uber takes me back to my hotel and i quickly take off my heels and take a shower. i absolutely hate wearing heels.

once i finish my shower, i lay down and look at my missed calls, it was josh who called me, so i call him back.

i hope i didn't miss an important call.

"hey." i say once he picks up. the time zones in ohio and new york are the same, so it's about 5pm in both places.

"are you going to bed already? it's only 5." he says with a light laugh.

"no, but i'm very tired." i say. as if my statement triggered it, i yawned.

"i saw your interview, you did great." he says.

"thank you." i say. "how was your day?" i ask propping myself up on my pillow like i've done countless times before.

"good, but boring." he says. "i was flipping back and forth between games." he adds. "how was yours?"

"good, it felt good to be at a game again." i say. "i don't think i could ever have another job."

"did anyone ever tell you that you couldn't have the job that you do?" he asks.

"countless times," i say. "it's a predominately male field." i add.

"well i'm proud of you for following your dreams ms. independent." he says.

"thank you." i say.

i watch the camera as he gets up, bringing his phone with him. he starts walking around his house until he stops in the kitchen.

he sets his phone up on the counter, and disappears out of the frame. he comes back with the ingredients for a peanut butter and jelly.

he starts humming something, which i quickly realize is can't help falling in love with you by elvis presley.

i watch him silently as he makes his sandwich. i don't know why he's eating it for dinner, considering i know he has better food to make for dinner.

but i'm not going to deny that peanut butter and jelly's are an amazing invention.

he takes a bite from his sandwich and grabs his phone. "what?" he says, mouth full.

"nothing." i say stifling my laughter by taking my face out of the frame.

"wait, come back." josh says. "i can't see your beautiful face anymore." he speaks.

i bring my face back into the frame. he smiles a little. "that's better." he says.

"so when will you be back?" he asks sitting down at his dining room table.

"tomorrow afternoon." i say. "miss me too much already?" i add.

"precisely." he says taking another bite from his peanut butter and jelly.

"how's my mom?" i ask, i haven't been there this weekend and besides the occasional update, i don't really know anything.

"she's okay, she's been having a lot more coughing episodes though." he says. "maybe she needs to get oxygen." he adds.

"she's gonna miss out on so many things in my life." i say. "she's not gonna she me in a wedding dress, or anything." i add.

"i'm sorry, els." he says.

"it's okay," i say. "it's just," i say taking a pause, trying to find the right words. "hard? you know?"

"i understand but i don't know." he says, i nod. somehow he always manages to say the right things.

"have any more poems for me?" i ask, he nods and begin to speak.

"you're beautiful." he starts. "i'll keep on repeating those words until you believe them. because i want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. because i want you to love all those things about yourself that society told you not to." he speaks.

i repeated the words in my head and stored them in a part of my brain that holds only his poems in it, it's my favorite part of my brain.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

the poems are baaaaaaccckkkk

and this update was per @1-800-rafecameron request