Twice Oneshots

saida - reality

something sickening happened today n im extremely sad abt it :( so i'm expressing it here with one of my comfort ships lmfao

enjoy 

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Reality hurts. It really does.

"Live in reality Dahyun. Face it, this is life."

How can I though. What if I don't want to live in reality. What if I want to let my imagination take over.

It doesn't make a difference though. Looking at your picture emerges me into a different world. A world filled with warm hugs and meaningful promises.

It's only temporary.

As soon as I look away i'm faced with the harsh world of reality. Reality. It's such a nasty word. The world looks so dim and dull and my situation seems hopeless.

It seems like nothing could ever fill the gap in my heart that you held. If I look at photos of you and us for too long it makes everything worse when I have to tear my eyes away.

It makes me tear up.

I could stare at you for forever. But simply a picture could never capture your worth. It doesn't do you justice. The real you is a million times better.

The real you gave sweet gazes and soft touches and cuddles. The real you provided warmth and comfort and safety. The real you provided love. The real you.

I would give anything for the real you. To just have you back in my arms. To have you back. It doesn't work that way though. I understand that it could never happen.

Because some of us just don't get to move on in life. It's cruel. It is so, so cruel it makes me want to throw up. You didn't deserve this. You should have lived on.

Lived on with your silliness and adoring laughter. Your sweet personality and clumsy antics and playful jokes.

There were so many parts to you. You were somebody. A human. You were living and breathing. You had working thoughts and hopeful dreams.

There were so many parts to you, Sana. So many layers. Things about you that even I didn't get to explore. And I never will be able to.

It's intriguing how all of that could just crumble down so easily. It makes me absolutely sick.

But you did good. You did really, really fucking good.

While you lived, you made my own life as great as it could be. You gave me purpose and life. You were my everything. Are my everything.

You did so good Sana. You did so, so good. And I cannot tell you that enough. You did so good. Everytime I look at your picture those words rise up into my mind.

You made me so, so happy and I am so proud of you.

I wish I could see you for one last time. Wish I could talk to you. Wish I could stare into your lovesick eyes and hold your hand. To hold you and comb my hands through your hair. To tell you that everything will be just fine. To stay with you forever.

But once again, life doesn't work that way. Things and people come and go. The world is too big to get hung up on things. On what ifs or maybes.

I don't even know what to say anymore. It makes me feel so empty. I am so empty.

I hate reality. But it has a chokehold over life.

Over death too. Your death, apparently.

I wish I could stay in my imagination forever, because reality hurts. 

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544 words

maybe this is my cry out for help LMAOSKDJ