Let This Last Forever...| Beeduo

chapter 85. The traumatic night.

   tw: mention of stabbing themselves.

Tubbo's pov*

I woke up around 2:00 in the morning in the same position I was in when I fell asleep, but Ranboo wasn't there. I sat up and looked around in a tiny bit of panic. "Ranboo?" I called out but not too loud. I didn't get an answer. I stood up too fast because I lost my balance. I stood up again slowly and searched for him in the house. I looked in the upstairs living room but he wasn't there. I went downstairs and found him sitting at the counter muttering to himself. He was also writing something. I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his back. "Hey love.." He said quietly. I smiled and hugged tighter. "Why are you up this late?" He asked. "I should be asking you the same thing." I said softly. "I was just thinking about some things.. Nothing you should be worried about." He said. "Ok.. Uhm what are you writing?" I asked. He froze for a second and quickly closed the book he was writing in. "N-Nothing bee, don't worry about it." He said. He stood up so I let go of him. He grabbed the book and went upstairs. I followed him. "Are you ok boo?" I asked as I followed him into the bedroom. "Mhm! Why wouldn't I be?" He asked. "Well it's just.. You were acting weird and it was like you were hiding something from me, and I want you to know that you can tell and trust me with anything." I said. He turned around and his eyes seemed different... They were normally blue but they looked like a green color. "Baby... Your eyes.. Are you ok?" I said. He looked confused. "Wh-What do you mean my eyes?" He asked me concerned. "Come here please.." I said. He came to me and I cupped his face to get a better look at his eyes. They were a dark ish light green. "They're green." I said concerned. "What do you mean they're green?" He asked. I took him to the bathroom and made him look in the mirror. "See? They're green!" I said. He looked in the mirror and stepped back. "Tubbo.. I need you to hide." He said. I was concerned and scared. "Huh?" "Tubbo please! Get away from me, hide from me, and no matter what I do or say.. Do. Not. Come out." He said. "Ranboo..?" "Tubbo hide!" He yelled. He pushed me out the bathroom and shut the door. I was scared but I started to look for a place to hide. I hid    under the bed and slowed my breathing to be more quiet. He busted through the door he was holding his head like he was trying to fight something off. He suddenly stopped and kept a straight face. He started walking around the room seemingly looking for something. He picked up the book he was writing in before and opened it. He seemed to be snapping in and out of a trance. "I gotta write this down before I forget him." He whispered. He got done and put it down. Shortly after he snapped back into the trance he was in a few minutes prior. He went downstairs and I heard loud noises coming from the kitchen. I want to come out and talk to him but he told me not to. Those noises stopped and I heard him yell in pain. "Screw it!" I said and crawled out. I went downstairs and looked for him. He was on the ground of the kitchen and he had a knife sticking out of his arm. "Ranboo.." I said as I sat next to him. "Oh my love are you ok?" I asked. I wanted to hug him but I didn't want to hurt him. His eyes were still green. "Tubbo! Please please get away from me! I'm gonna end up hurting you so please!" He said. He started to hold his head again. He gritted his teeth, I could see he was in some sort of pain but not from the knife. It was mental pain. I hugged him and hugged him tight. "It's alright.. I'm here I promise." I said. He hugged back. I tried to look in his eyes but he covered them. "No! Don't look in my eyes." He said. I quickly looked down. "I'll tell you when it's safe." He said. I nodded and continued to hug him tight. His heart was beating so fast and he was breathing heavily. "It's ok, calm down I promise you that you're ok." I said softly. He seemed to calm down and he uncovered his eyes. "Is it safe?" I asked. "M-Mhm." He hummed. I looked up at him. His eyes were blue again. I cupped his face and wiped his tears, I kissed him and hugged him again. He hugged me back. "Hey.. Why did you do that to yourself?" I asked. "Huh? What?" He asked. I pointed to the knife in his arm. "I don't remember doing that.." He said. "I'm gonna pull it out ok?" I said. He nodded and squeezed his eyes shut. I got bandages first to wrap around his arm. I grabbed it and he flinched. I quickly pulled it out. "AHHH!" He screamed. I didn't want to hear that scream it hurt me. I quickly got the bandages and started to wrap them around his arm. When I got done I pulled it to keep it tight. He started to cry again. I hugged him and he hugged back. "I-Im sorry." He said. "Shh it's ok, it's ok. I promise." I said. He held my head to his chest and sharply inhaled. "I-I could of killed you!" He said. "What do you mean?" I asked. "It rarely happens but sometimes I get trapped in my head and that causes my eyes to turn green. I've gotten good at controlling it b-but it torments me. And eye contact triggers it more when I'm in that state. And it also erases my memory of what happened when I was in that state but I know it happens." He explained. "Ok but why did you say that you have to write something down before you forget me?" I asked. "Sometimes it causes me to forget important things in my life but it doesn't erase the trauma." He said. "So there's a chance you could forget me if it happens again?" I said slightly tearing up. He lightly nodded. "But I'll make sure it never happens, your too important to me." He said. I nodded as a single tear fell down my face. "Hey I love you ok? I promise I'll never forget you." He said. "Ok.. I trust you." I said. After about an hour of taking in what happened we went back to bed.

"This was definitely a night I will never forget.. I don't want him to forget me I just got him back. I trust him though. He'll never forget me. I'll make sure of it."