Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[1.02] newcomer

Ciara stumbled down the stairs on Monday morning, eyes heavy with exhaustion as she struggled to shrug on a long black jacket that she always wore over her uniform for warmth. She struggled greatly to regulate her temperature and because of a brief doctor's note from Dr W himself, the sisters never gave her any grief for it. Students just believed that the sisters just did not care as she was the image of the 'perfect student.' Quiet, obedient and hardworking. Well apart from homework, which she could never find the energy to complete.

As she entered the kitchen, finally managing to get her arm into her sleeve, her ears were instantly met with far too much noise. The sound of Cal buttering far too done toast in the corner while his teeth crunched against an apple. The dreadful echos of their staticy television, broadcasting news to her Mam who sat on the sofa whilst knitting. The sound of her needles scraping together drowned into Chip's head so instantly that she was forced to turn the music in one of her ears up, in an attempt to drown it out with something a little more comforting.

"Oh what now Mammy?" Ciara asked as she leant against the bookcase in the living room, watching as Cal began to eat his toast. She shivered away the thought of how utterly delicious it looked to her starving stomach and instead replaced it with the thought of how many calories were in that one piece of toast and how long it would take her to work off. She did not have the energy for steps in the bathroom, her usual quick walk to the bus stop or even extra pacing in the bathrooms at school.

"They're bombing the bridge apparently," her Mammy paused, flipping over her needles as she had completed a row of what looked to the beginnings of another quilt. Her Mammy was a stress knitter/crocheter, a trait that Ciara herself had picked up but she rarely had the will to get supplies from the craft shop just a short walk into town. "Bus will go the long way round I reckon," she sighed, frowning disapprovingly at the spindly work currently falling onto her lap.

"No chance of a lift then?" Ciara asked Cal as he placed his knife in the sink and began to walk towards the door. He usually dropped her to the bus stop as it was marginally on his path to work, just a five minute detour and they usually had quite an enjoyable car ride. Full of bad music and good conversation. He however, seemed to want to leave a lot earlier than usual. So early in fact that he forgot his morning cup of tea while watching the news.

"Gotta go in early," he replied, already sounding bored with the day. "Important meetings."

Chip sniggered, a particular brightness finally making its way into her dulled eyes. "Oh aye cause you're important enough to go to those meetings," she laughed, earning a rare laugh from her mother and a sarcastic one from her brother. Though she could see a hint of a laugh within his expression.

Cal scooped his bag from the chair at the end of the table then hurriedly left the kitchen, jokingly flipping the two of them off as he entered the hallway outside the kitchen door.

The two Byrne women remained silent as they both watched the news unfolding, half listening to Cal as he revved his car then sped out of the drive as usual. He had hit the post on the other side of the road more than four times in the past seven months - Chip genuinely wondered how he managed to get his license. "You best be off then Love," Mammy smiled sadly, desperately not wanting the house to be left quiet and alone as it always was. She had Monday's off from work but always complained about it, hating being alone for the six hours that Ciara was at school. The house was just far too quiet, too eerie.

"See you later Mammy," Chip smiled softly before turning to leave, feeling ever so awful for doing so. Once out in the hall and by the coat rack, she slipped on and laced up her boots that only just passed as school acceptable shoes. Before heading out of the door, she leant over the hall table and glanced into the mirror, checking that her covering makeup had not suddenly uncovered the darkness under her eyes or the paleness of her hollowing cheeks,

"Don't forget your canteen money in the dish!" Mam yelled as Chip used a finger to fix a small part of her eyeliner that had smudged. Ciara, with a reluctant sigh, took the change from the china bowl in the middle of the thin hallway table - knowing her mother would only count it later.

The door shut behind her gently as there was little wind to swing it.

Now don't get me wrong, I felt awful taking her money and not once buying food. However, I did use it for things that I needed and on the odd occasion, I bought her something nice to settle the guilty feeling. But mostly I used the money for cigarettes or cokes when my blood sugar got too low- my version of nourishment.

-

Ciara stood between the trees at the bus stop, getting in a smoke while she waited for the girls to appear. She put all her focus into watching the various people piling onto buses, trying to disrupt her internal thoughts. She was having what her doctors called a high anxiety day where processing her surroundings would be extra difficult. She would not see a person in her path until it was too late as her mind attempted to distance itself from her body, screaming for a break from the ferocious river of debilitating thoughts that one by one knocked her non-existent confidence down further. She just would not see where she was, nor when. The day would pass as a blur until she went to sleep or something unlike the norm occurred.

As she fell out of a thought about her plan to clean the underside of her bed upon returning home, Michelle's loud and proud yell caught her attention towards the bus where the girls had gathered, waiting for her to turn up. She took one last drag from her cigarette then stubbed it out against her usual tree. Ciara emerged from the trees with her eyes glued to the dulled grass beneath her feet and managed to meet the end of a Michelle rant that she was oddly sad to have missed.

"The disco dancer from Look Who's talking," Michelle grinned, eyes filled with that wild energy that she loved the most about her.

"Who owns the fella?" Chip asked loud enough so that the entire group realized her sudden presence as she appeared at Orla's side, arms crossed in front of her chest. She had noticed the newcomer, standing way back from Chelle, almost instantly. He had an overwhelmed look in his eyes, gaze darting around sporadically and never settling on one thing in particular.

"Me," Michelle responded, previous grin falling as she looked back to the fella that lingered behind her, nervously clutching onto the strap of his bag "Well, come on then ball-ache. Are you introducing yourself, or what?"

"Hi," he began, waving one hand. "I'm Michelle's cousin, James."

"Why's he making that funny noise?" Orla attempted to whisper to Erin but everyone heard anyway.

"He's English Orla. That's the way they talk."

"English?" Ciara echoed, eyebrows raised as she looked James up and down. He looked so overly confused that she felt sorry for him. It seemed that her processing part of her mind snapped back into functioning properly with the change to her routine as she took in the appearance of another face that she had a feeling would be around for a while.

"Aye. He's my Auntie Kathy's wain. I told you about my Auntie Kathy. She went to England years ago to have an abortion, never came back. Never got the abortion, either. Lucky for you, James, eh?" she laughed, gently smacking Jmaes on the cheek before she caught up with Erin, who had started to walk to the bus with Clare and Orla.

"I didn't actually know that," James called after Michelle, his voice audibly saddened as a crease between his brows appeared.

"At least you were wanted, unlike Chelle here," Chip laughed as she walked alongside Orla, who found the comment overly hilarious and sniggered to herself.

"Bugger off Chip!" Michelle yelled, laughing loudly as they came to a stop at the door to the bus. "Our carriage awaits motherfuckers!" she exclaimed, doing a funny sort of dance before she hopped onto the bus.

"New thing?" Chip asked Orla softly, watching ahead to check that they had not been heard by anyone else. Orla nodded and laughed sarcastically before hopping onto the bus after Erin. She murmured, "Fantastic."