Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[3.49] glasses

"I hate them," Ciara scowled as she stood in front of the mirror, staring at the new addition to her appearance.

"I think they look hot," James responded, smiling softly at her instant reaction. Blush coated the tops of her freckled cheeks but soon disappeared.

Ciara chuckled softly and looked at him through the mirror, searching for any ounce of a joke. She could not find a single hint towards it. Not trusting her ability to read his emotions, she wondered aloud, "Really?"

He smiled comfortingly and complimented, "They look good, Chip. Suit your face."

"I can't believe I need fucking glasses," she sighed as she pulled herself away from her now uncovered vanity - the covering now lay folded up in a basket in the bottom of her wardrobe.  "Stupid eating disorder," she grumbled as she plopped herself down next to him on her bed, laying her head next to his on her pillow.

His brow furrowed as they both stared up at the ceiling, looking over the various photos that she had tacked to the white surface amongst her posters. "I thought it was because of the reading and knitting in the dark?"

"That too...Double whammy," she sighed deeply, annoyance at herself starting to overtake the many other feelings going through her mind at a rapid pace. They were mainly all centred around her current appearance and how so unready she felt about having to leave the house in her new dark frames, let alone wearing them to the school of judgement. Suddenly she turned to face him, hand going up underneath the side of her head as she whispered, "You sure they don't make me look stupid?"

"They don't make you look stupid love, not at all," he responded softly, having also turned his head towards her. She smiled softly and moved forward slightly, placing a soft smiling kiss on his lips. As they parted and just fell into a usual comfortable silence where they just enjoyed the other's presence, James' gaze found itself settling on a box in the corner of her room. His birthday present to her. He had bought every single treat she had ever talked about craving - that he could remember - and had placed them all into a box with some books and a couple balls of yarn that he knew that she was looking at buying when her allowance next came in. On the back of every single treat, he had completely crossed out the calorie information and instead drew smiley faces. He noticed how the majority of the things had gone, which filled him with such pride and joy.

Ciara after a few minutes, left his side and went to sit on her windowsill with the window open so she could smoke without alerting her Mammy to the smell. She had managed to cut down a little on the smoking but she still got the cravings, plus the action of smoking helped her mind and she desperately needed that. After she had finished the cigarette and safely put it out and in the bin, she brushed her teeth. She didn't particularly like the fuzzy feeling it left on her tongue anymore and found that the minter toothpastes helped to take that away somewhat, plus it helped with the smell that had also started to bug her somewhat. "Wanna go for a drive?" she asked as she walked out of the bathroom, hair now pulled up into a low bun.

He sat up and, after a soft stretch of his arms, asked, "To where?"

"Just about, suns setting," she smiled softly, looking out of her window at all the colours beginning to paint the sky. James agreed without hesitation and got up from the bed. The both of them snuck downstairs, her Mammy still did not know a thing, and headed out to Chip's car.

She had passed her test a mere few weeks after her birthday. Given all the practice that she had already had with Cal over the years, she only needed a few lessons to get up to speed. It felt particularly odd to call Cal's old car her own but loved the idea that they had both shared something so important to a teenager. Mammy had said she could have it if she wanted, as they were both unable to part with the car. And secretly, the two Byrne women loved the sound of the car staring up and driving off the drive again. Though Chip was a much better driver than her Brother ever had been.

They just talked as usual as Chip pulled off the drive and headed out of the estate, turning onto the main roads that would take them out of Derry and to the country roads that she so loved to drive on during the sunsets. It had become their little thing and they both loved sharing something so special. "How many days until your test?" she asked as the song softly playing switched to another. They had both decided on a Fleetwood Mac cd - from Ciara's extensive glove box collection - for the short drive.

He sighed deeply, resting his elbow on the gap the open car window had created. He leant his head on his knuckles, staring out of the window at the passing greenery that shook in the delightfully fragrant summer breeze. "Five."

"How nervous are you?" she asked while glancing in her middle mirror, frowning at how close the car behind was.

"So much so that I have nightmares about failing," he divulged softly, not feeling the least bit uncomfortable about the admission as he would if it was anyone else.

"I mean being nervous is completely expected. But J I've seen your driving and you'll be grand, as long as you don't go too slowly."

He frowned and turned his head towards her, "I go slow?"

She laughed softly, "You didn't notice that?"

"No?" he stammered, eyes wide as a panicked look came to his eyes.

"You go slow when you're nervous and think about actually driving too much," she explained in such a way that he knew it was completely free of judgement. She didn't want him to take it the wrong way and therefore end in him being hurt when she was only trying to help.

"Don't think about driving? Come on Chip," he laughed, not believing that such a feat could even be possible. He had to physically think about each action he made before taking it when driving and even sometimes verbalised things like mirror checks or indications.

"I'm serious, I don't even think about it. Muscle memory and all that," she paused as they came to a stop at an oddly busy junction. Then she shrugged, "That's what Cal told me to do anyway."

Ciara continuously looked back and forth while waiting for a moment to emerge. The junction was placed so awkwardly that she had to lean forward in her seat to try and see on James's side and even then, the view wasn't quite so clear. James, who had noticed the furrowing of her brow, looked too. As he had a better view, he stated, "You're good." She, with one last check on her side, then pulled off and turned onto the long country lane that they had been headed towards in the first place. Once up to speed, Ciara rolled her own window down and smiled at the fresh summery air flowing through the car with the feeling of the setting sun on her skin.

Her hair, which was no longer so dully red anymore, shone under the sunlight that came through her window. The air, the music, the nature all around them and the person beside her, comforted all those thoughts off before away and she just stayed in the moment without straying into any thoughts. She knew he felt the same, due to the relaxation of his shoulders and the all around peaceful aura that had surrounded them both.

She then realised that she could honestly say that for the past few weeks of her life, she hadn't been living just to get to the next day in the hopes it would be better and free of everything that had made that current day awful. She just plain lived, romanticising and cherishing each day as it came.

And that is something I would recommend to literally anyone who will listen.