Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[3.46] the truth

The rest of the school year until summer passed so quickly that Chip didn't even know what to make of it. There had been mocks, exams and various other important school things that had demanded all of her focus for so long. She had relapsed once and the tendencies lasted two weeks before she managed to get back on her usual path with her meal plans. But now, as she had been going steady for a long while with the eating and not over exercising, Ciara had started to notice the progress. Her hands were becoming softer and smoother, not covered in dry patches. And the thick hair on her legs and arms that her body had created to try and keep her warm, didn't come in so thick anymore and actually resemble usual hair on such body parts. With every day that passed, it got a little easier to not care about the calories. She had spent a lot of time with her friends, engaging in various activities throughout their weekends and breaks at school. And of course, there was James.

Following their kiss and confessions, the two had secretly engaged in various dates and evenings together in front of the tv. They had both decided not to initially tell anyone about anything- this way it kept the giddy happiness between them and kept the others out of their business. Plus, she did not want them to find out and therefore have to figure out their reactions. The only person who did know was Clare, who helped them both keep it a secret on the odd occasion that they did slip up. However they only decided to label themselves as together three days before their results were due out. He didn't want to pressure her into something overwhelming like a label and she appreciated that more than anything else in the world. It felt incredible to have someone who understood how her brain worked and wasn't attempting to change it.

It was two days until they would get their exam results and James and Chip walked hand in hand to Erin's as they had made evening plans. Their hands fell apart as soon as they both saw Michelle disappearing int Erin's front door.

They watched, well attempted to watch, James' summer project on Erin's computer. Throughout the entire summer, he had been videotaping the things that they would get up to, saying that they would make a great movie and win some sort of award. Chip didn't really know what was so intriguing about their lives compared to anyone else's but decided to go along with it anyway, loving the fact that it made him so incredibly happy. Only the video failed and it ended up in another argument between Michelle and James - like usual. Since Michelle had seen Chip and James kissing in her kitchen, no one had mentioned it. It was sort of like it just never happened in her eyes. But it was not hard to see that she was quicker to snap at James and insult him, much worse than before. And Chip, well she hadn't been offered to sleep round her house since it all occurred.

Chip, as Michelle made a rather inappropriate comment about James' mum, glanced at the clock on Erin's wall and pretty much ran to grab her discarded bag by the door. "Shit I've got to go."

"You're always disappearing at the moment, secret man?" Erin quizzed, folding her arms across her chest accusatorily.

"No?" Chip replied a little too quickly, fighting every single urge she had to look at James. She could see him out of the corner of her eye and easily noticed the pink starting to dust his cheeks and the panic that settled within his eyes.

"So where are you going?"

"It's a secret," Ciara shrugged and the tension in the room started to get just a little bit too suffocating. Her heart began to beat a little more than usual while her skin became covered in goosebumps, despite the fact that her face blared heat.

"Guys come on let's not-"

"Wise up James, aren't you curious?" Michelle interrupted, now joining in with the stares that Chip received from everyone but James who just looked at her with solicitude.

"It's obviously private so no," he retorted but kept a sort of calmness to his voice, despite the fact frustration pretty much radiated off of him. Chip smiled softly at him in thanks and made a note to voice it properly at a later date.

"Where are you going?" Erin repeated, essentially backing Chip into a corner with her questioning/ Ciara sighed softly, going over all of her options with such rapidity that when she settled on one thing to do, it really didn't seem like the worst option in the world anymore.

"Aye so well," she took a deep breath, steadying her voice. Ciara stared at one spot on the carpeted floor as she continued, "I'm going to therapy."

"Therapy?"

"Aye so you are," Erin retorted with a scoff that also sounded like a laugh. Chip struggled to work out what it was but instantly knew they all thought she was lying to cover something up. And for once, she was not telling a lie. Ironic, no?

"I'm serious," she admitted following another hesitation of regret. She honestly didn't know how she had expected them to react to such a thing, let alone how casual the conversation seemed given the difficulty of it. But this, the disbelief and stares that just felt like they thought she was crazy, was not even in her broad spectrum of imagination for how it would go. "I have an eating issue," she paused, swallowing hard. "A disorder...Anorexia. It, for me, manifests as restriction, calorie counting, infrequent purging and over exercising. But I'm in recovery, hence the um, therapy. And oh, I never went to my aunts for those weeks at a time, I had inpatient treatments in psychiatric facilities. So..."

"Christ," Clare blurted, her eyes wide with complete shock to Chip's rambling confession.

"I don't understand. Why would you do that to yourself?" Orla asked softly, gaze flying around the room.

"It's a mixture of things, Orla," Chip almost whispered back, a sigh that stole all her air also seemed to steal her words. "I don't quite understand it myself."

The next question came soft and from the vague direction of Clare but she wasn't sure if she had said it or not, given how sad the question seemed. "You're gonna be okay though, right?"

Chelle, who had pretty much been stunned into silence from the very beginning, suddenly blurted, "Chip, if you don't start sorting yourself out I'm going to knock you into next week... With love...Obviously."

"Love you too Chelle," Ciara laughed softly, no longer feeling so incredibly uncomfortable and judged by all of them. "And yes, I'll be okay eventually. I think. Have to sort out a few things but it's going well so far... Just don't tell anyone, please?"

Murmurs of agreement came from everyone within the group as they all nodded, still reading to be rather astonished by her seemingly random and abrupt confession. The guilt of pressuring her was starting to eat at Erin's mind. "Thank you, I'll see you later."

"Sorry for pushing you," Erin quickly called out as Chip opened the door to her bedroom.

"It's fine Erin," she smiled reassuringly, not letting herself glance at James as she knew he would see the real pain in her eyes. Ciara ducked out of that room and practically sprant out of the house, headed to her car that was parked quite a ways down the street.