Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[1.19] meds

Ciara, completely oblivious to the confrontation she would be facing downstairs, had music blasting in her headphones and partially danced down the stairs. She nearly tripped on the bottom two, being so distracted that she did not see the bottles of shampoo and conditioner lining her usual path down them. She walked into the kitchen and her joy fell. Instead of her usual space on the sofa watching the news, her Mammy was sat in one of the kitchen chairs that faced the doorway to the kitchen just staring. Ciara slowly removed her headphones, music still blasting as they rested on her shoulders and asked what was going on with her eyes.

"Have you been taking your meds?" her Mammy asked outright and moments before Ciara could lie and say yes upon instinct, she pulled the full pill bottle from her lap and placed it onto the table with a daunting thump.

"They make me ill, you know that," Ciara sighed, moving across the kitchen to the fridge where she knew a cold diet coke would lay as she had put it in there the night before. The breakfast of someone running late for the bus after 'accidently' sleeping in.

"Ciara..."

''Mammy I'm not going to take something that makes me feel sicker than I normally do. I can't stand them," she responded quickly, hating her mothers tone and wanting to be done with it as soon as possible."Plus we discussed this ages ago and you agreed it was okay."

"I never-"

"Yes you did," Ciara interrupted with an annoyed laugh, her patience starting to wear thin. She felt far too ill, far too cold and far too hungry for this discussion. "Cal was there too, didn't she say so?"

"Aye you did Mammy," Cal agreed with a nod. And it was completely true, they had decided this long ago. The pills made her ill, unfocused and all around just more moody and upon skipping one, she immediately felt better so brought it up to her Mam. They, after a brief argument, agreed that it was better that she didn't take them and Dr. W was also informed of this choice. Chip just did not know why her mother was choosing today, of all days, to bring this all back up again. And, given that those pills were kept in her bathroom, Chip wondered what else had been found.

"You should be taking them," her Mammy persisted, eyes stern and unwavering as if she was going to leap up and force the things down her throat.

Ciara glanced at Cal, who was wordlessly eating his toast like usual, and knew that she would not be getting any help from him. So instead she resorted to the one word that she knew would work. "No," she replied, proceeding too turn and leave the kitchen. She grabbed her jacket from its hanger on the stairs and her schoolbag rather quickly.

"And where do you think you're going?" her Mammy yelled from the kitchen, almost shrieked really. Ciara, if she had looked in the kitchen, would have seen her red face of anger and furrowed brow but she was far too busy pulling on her shoes as quickly as she could manage.

"Timbuk- fucking- tu!" Ciara slammed the door behind her, casting the house in complete silence. 

-

Everyone walked to Erin's after a particularly long school day filled with random tests and the joy of a fight between a couple of first years. Chatter erupted amongst them the entire walk from the bus to Erin's, dozens of conversations occurring at the same time. Ciara  enjoyed a conversation between Orla and Clare, the two of them having greatly disagreeing options on an unimportant topic. As they walked into Erin's, Chip began to tell James about this girl in the library that had been talking far too loud and spreading all kinds of gossip that she thought was rather interesting.

"Erin?" Clare suddenly called, her voice wobbly and expression unsure as she peered at Mrs Quinn. "Why's your Mammy looking at us like we're in an exhibit in the zoo?"

Erin, who quite frankly looked like a deer in headlights, blurted, "Mammy?"

"I need darks," Mary replied, looking around at each of their blazers, skirts and trousers (in James' case) as if they were made of pure gold.

Erin gasped, appalled at the very idea, "You're not serious?"

"Oh aye, I won't do a half load. Give them. All of yous," Mary instructed and the group slowly and reluctantly did so, an awkward tension filling the air. Chip however had paled, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Removing that clothing to be cleaned would mean exposure and exposure would mean discovery. There was no way in absolutely hell that she would ever do that and knew that Mary would not relent. So, while the others were distracted, she slowly slipped out of the house and left. She ran out of the house, hoping no one would follow, and went straight home without thinking about how she had left things with her Mammy that morning.

About ten minutes later, after the clothes were all securely in the washing machine and the group were all starting to get a little more comfortable being around each other again, James noticed that Chip was no longer stood at his side and was in fact, completely missing. "Where'd Chip go?" he asked softly, leaning over so Michelle would be able to hear.

"She probably left without saying anything, she does that."

"And no one questions it?"

Michelle simply shrugged, listening to Erin and Mary's brief argument about the entire situation. "We did at first but it's kind of normal now. She just has enough of talking to people, gets overwhelmed and shit so she leaves."

James, who did not look convinced, nodded slowly, "Right..."

-

"Does this shit not make you sad?" Cal asked loudly over her record player as he brought her yet another bedroom meal, one that she would be forced to eat with his presence. She did not know why he had been compelled to do this recently but it was awfully annoying and had her restoring to measures she hated greatly. Yet she did not want him to catch on so she acted as if nothing was the matter.

Ciara, who had been laying in bed with an incredibly good book that she could not put down despite her urge to sleep, sat up and took the bowl of whatever was for dinner from his hands. "Okay first of all, this is not shit. Especially compared to the absolute shit you listen to," she laughed softly, picking up a piece of the pizza her Mammy had made for dinner. "And secondly no, not most of the time anyway. I actually think it's quite beautiful," she continued before taking a bite of the pizza, hating the slimy feeling in her mouth that it caused. She hardly even chewed, just swallowed it straight down as she could not handle the thought of it being in her mouth for much longer.

"I think it's quite beauuuuutiful!" he mocked, almost prancing around the room as if it proved any other point than the fact that he was a dickhead.

"Shut up dickhead," she chuckled, pulling a pillow from her side to throw at him with such force that the sound it made when it collided with his back actually shocked them both. It was as if the pillow had suddenly turned to stone or something.

Cal remained in her room until she had finished the plate, just ranting about his day as he usually did. Once he was gone, Ciara waited to hear the sound of his door shutting with a click that was engraved into her mind at this point. Once she had heard it, she slowly turned the music pouring from her record player up then sprant to the bathroom, gently closing the door. She knelt on the tile, the rougher edges around the toilet where it had been broken digging into her knees. The sores on her fingers hidden with bandages and stories of a partially awful burn from her hair straightner were slowly unwrapped.