Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[2.35] inpatient

Chip had passed the first week of inpatient without fault. The second week came with some hard decisions and an increased volume of smoke breaks throughout the day to keep her nerves somewhat calm. The place was much better than anything she had been in before. It was an adorable house, not a hospital ward, and had so many things to act as distractions through everything. A huge library, various games, a few computers and an incredibly large garden that backed onto the woods (which they technically weren't supposed to go into but did anyway.)

She loved the routine of it all. The way the day was planned from the morning to night, not leaving a moment when something wasn't going on. They found meds to soothe the screaming in her head that didn't make her nauseous. She took them twice but found the fuzziness to be too much and asked to be taken off them - they complied instantly. These people trusted the patients to know what was best for them and only ever intervened if another patient was doing something to harm another. Which hadn't happened in her group, as most of the girls didn't talk and the two boys kept to themselves. It wasn't lonely really, they all knew that they were in it together and supported each other through meals and everything else.

It was kind of weird to be surrounded by people all like her who actually wanted to get better, instead of having to watch people hide all their things under their beds and then dash to the toilet as soon as the doors were unlocked after meals.

It was nothing short of refreshing. She hadn't, since the very first moment that she restricted a meal, ever felt better. She felt fueled now, able to walk about without fear of passing out. She still got the headaches though and sometimes the nausea, she just assumed it was damage that would eventually go away as she progressed. Progression didn't seem so scary now, it felt achievable. But that voice that turned her spine cold and forced her to the scales was starting to build up, starting to break its way through the walls she put up against it. The panic of the calories was slowly starting to appear again but she vowed not to let it grasp any sort of control.

"Chip sweetheart? Phone call. A James?" the nurse who she liked the most announced after entering Ciara's room, having knocked first.

Chip stood up from her bed quickly and  walked across the room, heading to the little phone box at the end of the corridor where they could go for private phone calls. There was only one phone however and they weren't supposed to keep it occupied for too long. People got a little angry if they couldn't talk to the people that rang them instantly. Chip closed the door to the booth and picked up the phone "James?"

"Hey. How's everything going?"

"It's...okay. Better than the ones I've been in before," she paused, fighting back the smile that crossed her lips at the sound of his voice. "Less clinical. And it doesn't have that grim hospital smell or the grouchy unfeeling nurses. Plus I get to wear my own clothes so that's good and they let me smoke. One of the nurses actually went out and bought me some yesterday. Good ones too, not the cheap kind. And the food plan is going pretty well, I mean I struggle sometimes - well more than struggle- but I'm told it's normal so..." she trailed off, clearing her throat as if realising herself once again. "Sorry, didn't mean to ramble. No one in here talks."

"It's okay, I don't mind the rambling," he responded, voice sounding soft as if he had dropped it to not be heard by someone else.

She cleared her throat, nervously turning the rings on her fingers. "Have I missed anything?"

"Not really," he responded, evidently hiding something quite severe. She could hear it in his voice, clear as day.

She frowned upon hearing his responde, unsure of where to go. She didn't want to press him for information and make him uncomfortable on one hand but on the other hand she worried for him. And given that she could not see him and read his expression and demeanour as she usually did, it was a rather difficult thing to have to deal with. "Nothing new with you?"