Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[1.23] house party

In the morning, after Ciara had slept in James's room. Well he had reluctantly slept, she spent most of the night reading one of the few books he read under the literal moonlight - which got increasingly difficult as the moon travelled behind clouds. So, to avoid having to sneak out of the house and avoid Michelle, she instead knocked on her bedroom door. When no answer but a groan of acknowledgement came through the door, she opened it but remained in the doorway.

"Chelle. I've got an empty," she called out into the darkened room, waiting for her half asleep mind to realise what was going on. .

Michelle sat upright, as if raising from the dead, and turned to Chip with a huge grin, "Let's party, motherfuckers!"

"Michelle!" Her Mammy yelled from downstairs, the sound practically shaking the house.

"Sorry Mammy!"

-

Ciara's house was now the complete opposite of the deathly silence that she wanted to escape so desperately. It buzzed with music and the sound of various people getting mind numbingly drunk or dancing their hearts out. Chip didn't realise so many people would be able to fit into the downstairs of her house but they did, somehow. She began the night in the living room, drinking from the rather large bottle of vodka that Michelle had bought her. Then, once that just wasn't soothing it anymore, she got up from the sofa and shoved her way through all the people that lingered in the corridors. She walked up the stairs, and after checking Cal's door was locked for the billionth time even though people were not allowed upstairs, she shut herself into her room. The blaring music from downstairs sent shock waves of pain through her head, pain that she numbed with more alcohol.

But despite the alcohol running wild in her system, Ciara just could not get a grip on her thoughts. They were spiralling completely out of control, to the point where she simply could not handle being in her own head any longer. So she did the only thing she knew would stop the thoughts and dug out the diary under her bed, plotting the calories off all the things she had eaten that day. The chips James had brought her and she could not refuse, a singular olive and the various alcohols.

Then her phone rang and she was overcome with such an intense feeling of dread that her hands shook as she reached for it. "Chip..."

"Don't say it Mammy, please don't say it," she whispered, desperately gripping the phone in one hand while the other anxiously tapped the pen on the cover of her journal.

"I'm sorry love but he went ten minutes ago," she whispered, completely choking up. Ciara could not utter a word, even though she desperately wanted to. She simply couldn't. "I'll be home in the morning, okay?"

Chip hung up the phone without responding, well more the phone simply fell out of hand and her Mammy got the idea from there. She did not move but instead of focusing all her attention to her journal, stared out of the window a little too intensely. She focused on Cal's car and how it would never be driven again, how it would sit there and rust and she would never hear the sound of him stupidly speeding down the drive. She would never see her brother again and that fact caused her to burst into tears yet again.

The tears only momentarily faltered when a knock came to her door, a knock which she ignored and the person soon went away. The silent sobs continued even after a second set of knocks came twenty minutes later, only this time the person walked in. "Chip," she heard James whisper, gently closing the door behind him.

"He's dead," she whispered back as she wiped the tears from her face with her sodden sleeve, not caring about the stinging her mascara was causing. In some sense she welcomed it as it briefly dulled her thoughts.