Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[2.34] holiday

Ciara sat in her therapist's office, watching the clock above Rosa's head tick off the seconds that passed. They had gotten to the point of their session where they no longer laughed and chatted casually. They were onto the part where they would debunk Ciara's methods, her dependencies and try to figure out a way that they could deal with them in a safe manner. They had already been through a few methods, each one she had tried before and found they did not have any effect.

Macgowan sighed softly, leaning back in her chair as she began to tap her fingers on the side of her chair. "There is another thing we could try," she suggested, voice sounding ominous and thus setting a thick feeling of dread within Ciara's stomach. It was as if her mind knew the next thing to come out of her mouth and quickly recoiled itself from the conversation, not wanting to even hear the words. "It is two weeks of inpatient."

"No," Chip shot back instantly, also shaking her head as if it would further prevent such a thing from happening. She could not willingly let herself back into those horrible places again. All the people, all the rules, all the nurses who didn't care, all the pills and all the food. She just couldn't physically think of anything worse. Nausea tugged at her throat.

"Chip. Let me explain first, okay?" Rosa responded softly, taking a mental note of her reaction to such an idea. It was common knowledge that inpatient facilities were not the best in the world, rather quite traumatising environments for their patients. So she knew that with Chip she would have to step carefully. But she also knew that she would not force her into anything like that, her sessions did not work that way. Chip shrugged and the Dr took it as her response. "It's two weeks of inpatient, in a private facility where there are only five patients at a time, all at the same stages of their recovery... It would be me and a few other nurses taking care of you. Our aim is to teach you proper nutrition and make meal plans that you're comfortable with... We spend one week trailing and testing various things then by the end of that week, you pick a meal plan you think you'll be able to handle better and try that for the week. There is no weighing and you're allowed anything you wish to bring with you."

Ciara remained silent for a moment, drinking everything in. She made a mental pro con list, the cons majorly weighing out all of the pros apart from one. This could help me get better. She cleared her throat, voice coming small and quiet despite her urge to make it sound usual, "Only two weeks?"

"Just fourteen days," Dr Rosa smiled softly, knowing that she was getting somewhere with the suggestion. "But you can leave whenever you wish, if you can't handle it right then and there."

She once again was quiet, gaze focused on the ticking of the clock. They only had five minutes left, she could just choose to wait the time out and not have to make a decision. That was a plausible option. "Are we allowed outside?"

"Of course, during the day," she paused, glancing at her watch. She knew the time constraint and then spoke quickly, minimalizing her pauses for understanding so Chip knew the decision was inescapable. "You can smoke too, though we'd rather you didn't. It's understandable that they're are some necessary coping mechanisms that are going to get worse during this time.... I really think this will help you Chip. But you have to be the one to want to do it."

She swallowed deeply, leg bounding up and down as she meekly whispered, "Okay."

Rosa smiled, "I'm glad you made that choice Chip...The program begins next week, on monday."

-

"Another holiday?" Erin almost scoffed as Chip filled them all in with the news. The girls and James all sat in Erin's bedroom, in their usual places, and had just finished their brief gossip about a scandal occurring in the school.

"Aye," Chip laughed softly, painting the idea that she did not see the reason for the holiday and quite frankly hated the idea. It wasn't a complete lie, her Mammy would be going to her Aunt's. Chip however would not. She found the idea of hiding behind a holiday better than the idea of having to tell them all where she truly was going. She avoided James' gaze entirely, not wanting to catch his eye and the suspicious frown she knew he would possess. "Mammy's quite lonely. With Cal and everything. She wants her sister's company and won't let me stay alone."

"You could stay at mine," Chelle offered quickly, without hesitation.

"She'd say no, wants me close. I mean I can't blame her for that," Chip responded softly, grateful for the gesture. After about an hour, where they had just continued with normal conversation and everything usual among their friend group, Chip said her goodbyes to everyone and left. She had gotten about ten minutes down the road, about to head down the rather sketchy alley that was a shortcut to her house from Erin's, when the music blaring through her headphones randomly stopped. She stopped still too, taking the mp3 out of her pocket and frowned deeply at the out of battery sign staring back at her. She tucked it back into her pocket and let the headphones rest on her shoulders, starting her walk again.

"Chip!" A yell caused her to jump completely out of her skin, stopping her from turning the corner into the alley. She spun around, fingers reaching for the keys in her pocket. Her shoulders relaxed as she saw James running towards her, red in the face and chest huffing with stolen air.

"Jesus J, what's wrong with you?" she laughed softly as he stopped in front of her.

"Are you really going on holiday?" he asked abruptly, completely breathless and rather desperate for a breath.

She sighed softly, crossing her arms over her chest protectively. "No," she paused, confrontational panic traipsing up her spine. "I'm doing a two week inpatient. "

His brow rose in surprise as he knew how much she hated and loathed the very idea of those treatment options. They had discussed it only once before, albeit both of them were a little drunk. He was the only person she had ever confided in about those places - not even Cal knew the full extent of it. "You are?"

"Aye, therapist recommended it. Honestly do not know how she convinced me into it," she paused, filling her lungs with cold air to combat the anxiousness within her. It wasn't like she wanted to hide this side of her from him, she just wasn't used to talking about such things out in the open where anyone could hear. She suddenly blurted, "I'm not ready to tell the girls."

"That's why I haven't said a word," he responded quietly, their conversation pausing as a older man and his dog strolled past.

"Thank you."

He cleared his throat, anxiously glancing around as if doing everything possible to avoid her gaze. "Can I ring you, while you're in there?"

"Aye, of course. I'll tell my Mammy to give you the number before she leaves. They'll give it to her when I'm signed in," she smiled, a certain feeling bubbling with the deeper depths of her heart. She cleared her throat to push the feeling away as soon as it occurred, not wanting anything like that to ruin their dynamic or the friendship.

"Good luck? I'm sorry I don't know the right thing..."

She smiled softly, uncrossing her arms, "It's greatly appreciated J."